A Cookie's Life

Warning: This is mostly a crappy blog. Crappers and crap-accepting folks alike: Welcome! To all others: Warning. Danger! Keep Out! Read On At Your Own Risk! The author shall by no means be liable for any damage caused directly or indirectly, implicitly or explicitly as a result of the reading of the contents of this blog.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Dead Roachy Found At Sewage Pipe

P*U_B, S*ngap*re This morning, another roach was found dead at the end of the sewage pipe at 3:05 a.m.. When its body was found, a few limbs were severed and its body was badly crushed. It is suspected that the main cause of death of the roach was through a direct trauma to its vital organs rather than severe juice loss from its amputated limbs. However, this raises the questions as to why there were other multiple crush wounds all over its body accompanied by the amputation of some of its limbs. If one direct blow was enough to kill it, why the dismemberment and continued crushing? While the mechanism of death is generally clear cut, its cause of death is still largely unknown. Currently, the only clue is via the main pipe whose source starts from the district of Queenstown.



Monday, February 23, 2009

Lalala...

Lalala... programming's fun, especially when you can do graffiti...



Thursday, February 19, 2009

Smoky...

Well, recalling those good ole days, it was such a long time ago when last did my weeeeeeeets project in the a*my. Back then, I had to come up with some 26+ page report on how this and that was done for improvements, with all sorts of charts and diagrams. Back then, technologies employed for the report were the following:

- Smoke grenades x 50
- Smoke bombs x 10 - when presenting to my u*nit's o**icers
- Mother of all smoke bombs x 3 - for the 3 weeeeeeeets presentations

This time, for my aff-why-pee report, I'm pretty much grateful for the 30-60 man-hours spent on the weeeeeeeets project back then. That's because, this time round, for my aff-why-pee report, I manage to borrow the following technologies:

- Smoke grenades x 200 - for 4 times the report length
- Smoke bombs x 10 - for anyone looking at my report
- Father of all smoke bombs x 1 - for the final aff-why-pee presentation.

Man, after 2 years of smoking + 4 years smoking tonnes of reports in ae*osp*ce engineering, it's no wonder everyone in my group has no qualms typing reports like free last min. Come to think about it, I've got a report due in a month planned to start in 2 weeks time by my group.

Thought: I any case... I'll huff, and I'll puff, and blow down this aff-why-pee report... muahaha... OK, back to more smoking...



Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A Quirky Phenomenon

Staying at the second story yields an interesting list of uninvited guests, namely insects and animals. Most of these would include ants, irritating mozziquitoes, moths, cursed-and-destined-to-be-exterminated-for-entering-restriced-zone roaches and various birds.

However, there is one particular guest species that causes me (or 'one') to wonder about the purpose of their visit. And that is none other than the fruit fly. While fruit flies at homes are pretty much a common thing, the fruit flies at my place are quirky.

You see, the fruit flies at my place are usually found in the toilet. If fruit flies were swarming around the fragrant bananas and mangoes at my dining area, that would totally make sense. However, they insist on slowly buzzing around in my toilet (which causes a mozziquito-killer to mistake it for a doomed mozziquito at certain moments in time). And that is especially so when you are engaged in a major trading of engineered raw and processed materials during which you cannot leave your post. This naturally results in a few theories:

1) Mankind has so successfully created esters (i.e. smells) for shampoo such that they mistake it for fruit.

2) For some strange reason, the fruit fly is badly dehydrated at my place and are scouting for exposed ground water.

3) Someone at home has been eating tonnes of fruits and the result of major trading of engineered raw and processed materials results in the fruit fly homing in to the smell.

4) The fruit flies are perverted peeping toms, janes and whoever-nots.

5) The fruit flies at my place are just plain quirky.



Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Mozziquitoes...

Today, the n*e-a popped by my place and the found this usual favourite bre*eding spot for mozziquitoes =) It's some bad structural engineering and architecture work (such that those morons who first designed it should be shot, then raised from the dead with a "Revive All" spell, to be shot dead again, then be raised up using a "Summon undead" spell then shot dead again to be banished to the forgotten pits) that always result in the area being flooded. Nothing much could be done about it without danger to any of the family members or the poor maid.

This was/still is/will still be the scenario...

The draining hole is usually choked because staying at level 2 will earn you the scenic view of swaying trees amidst the alluring evening, with leaves falling gently and onto that pathetic draining hole. Choked draining hole = water collection point = mozziquito egg dumping grounds = more mozziquitoes = complaint = $2*00 fin*e.

As such, this were the suggestions given by the n*e-a:
Maintainence of the drainage hole. Keep the area dry. - I fully understand this point, and I know where they are coming from and their rationale behind it.

Implications: The maid (or anyone) has to climb out to that compressor area and risk falling down. Everytime there's a rain, we have to clean that spastic hole. Oh, did I mention that the yellow boundaries in the above picture (excluding the side where the windows are) has literally no support? That's because the railing there is as tall as the compressor.

My engineering way of doing things:
Drill a bloody hole at the right of the compressor area or just punch one freaking big hole. Who gives a da*n about aesthetics when there's a $2*00 fine each time n*e-a comes?

The management (the management guy was also there - he's a really nice guy who joined recently, just that the mgt sucks):
He doesn't think that the management allows that, because it affects the aesthetics of the building. His suggestion - if the draining hole always chokes, maybe we might want to consider removing the filter that keep leaves out of the pipe (the pipe connects the draining hole to some other main draining pipe).

My query:
The reason why the filter is there is to keep leaves out of the pipe to prevent a choke. If there is a choke in the pipe, is that pipe still under our charge when crap happens again?

The management:
Yes. But if we do that, people using the walkway at level one would get the water.

My answer:
Chances are, when it's raining, the whole area would be wet. And no one stands under the compressor area for shelter - they go to the front entrance for shelter. (And no one camps under the compressors at night when air conditioning is on - but I forgot to state that)

My query:
Then why should I not have the right to do as I please?

The management:
Because it affects the aesthetics of the building.

My query to n*e-a:
Under the law, if keeping mozziquitoes out is all that they're interested in, and with such restrictions and suggestions that fail all the time (we hired a plumber to clear the choke a number of times to avoid floodingm but those morons' disaster prevailed), can we be empowered to do what it takes to avoid that choke?

The n*e-a guys:
By right under the law, yes.


Conclusion of the matter:
1) Bring the issue up to n*e-a for further empowerment against the management, and start a war between both factions.

2) I'm going to insist to my dad that we drill one hole at the right of the compressor to assist in draining the water out. At the same time, we smash one freaking big hole on the left to prevent any choke point. As for that miserable pipe underneath the draining hole, it's history. Then, those scenic swaying trees can sway and wither all their leaves for all they like =)

3) As for the pathetic management, we'll simply give them a call to inform them of our drilling activities. Since that is my pipe which my family gets fined for at the end of the day, I shall deal with my pipe as I please. They can just sit there and sputter as contractors do the drilling.

4) If the management still insists on crying father crying mother (i.e. making a freaking lot of unwanted noise), shoot them all! Then raise them from the dead with a "Revive All" spell, to be shot dead again, then be raised up using a "Summon undead" spell then shot dead again to be banished to the forgotten pits. Then, summon those previously undead-ed morons mentioned earlier and repeat the shoot-revive-shoot-summon-shoot-banish action on them.



Saturday, February 07, 2009

Ahhh, I'm finally back to blogging! That's because I suppose I think I feel that I deserve to blog after a miraculous churning out of words for the f*yp report =)

This was the series of events that took place...

Some weeks back
Glass Cookie (GC) was mugging therm*dynamics and lots of information on the net for his f*yp. Yawns... boring!

Lesser than some weeks back but more than a week back
GC mugs yet even more fyp stuff and creating exper*ments for his project alongside CNY. It's... really... ... b-o-r-i-n-g... =(

Some one week back
GC was getting sick of the f*yp, and so... he decides to do other stuff, like looking through assignments and attempting to touch them. Well, it didn't last long. Of course, he was also picking up a new programming language. Now, that's life! =) Lalala...
...
...
...

Just this wednesday
GC got a gentle reminder from a senior that a late f*yp submission = a 30% discount off your grades. Of course, that wonderful discount is only for your professor to enjoy, although he/she has absolutely nothing to gain or lose.

Wednesday night after the reminder
Panic mode has started. GC raises red alert. Intelligence gathered states that a 10,000 word final report is required in one month's time.

Wednesday night after red alert has been raised
Freaking out, GC prays...

Wednesday night after the prayer
GC starts typing...

Wednesday before midnight
GC decides to send planned essay outline to his prof to avoid typing in vain

Wednesday shortly after midnight
GC decides to continue typing anyway since he'll adopt whatever he has typed into whatever the prof wants anyway

Wednesday after midnight
GC does a word count and realises he has hit 1100+ words. (GC: Thank you Lord!!!)

Thursday
GC decides to take break since going by statistics, 1 night = 10%. Thus, 100% = 10 nights = 1/3 month's work = 2/3 months of nua-ing (i.e. slacking). On top of that, his prof sends an email stating that he is ok with the outline. (GC: Woohoo!!! Praise the Lord!!!)

Friday night
GC decides to work on the report again. Before doing so, GC prays... and GC continues typing.

Friday 3.00 a.m.
GC realises that he typed an additional 2500+ words. (GC: Thank you, thank you Lord!!!)


Conclusion of the matter:
God is great! =)



List Of My All-Time Big Stunts In M&D

30 Jul 2006 - When Silence Is Golden 2
It's funny how history repeats itself in a different form. This time, I minimised the volume of the keyboard to zero to try out a new song "I believe in miracles". And for yet (again, miraculously, ironically) another bizarre reason that I know not of, I actually turned the volume up WITHOUT knowing - and CONTINUED practising. Somehow the amplifiers were turned off by the sound guys (probably a safety measure against stuntmen like me?) until they could finally silence it no more and suddenly, out of the nowhere (oh, sorry, that would be the keyboard) came a loud note that penetrated the silence. I jerked in shock (very obviously). And yes, once again it's during the announcement time when silence is definitely golden.



04 Jun 2006 - Time and Congregation Waits For No Man
It was another faithful day in church, playing the keyboard for morning service, 9 and 11 a.m. After the 2nd service praise & worship session, it so happened that no one else could make it for the closing song. Well, since I was pretty free, I was asked to play it. So, I went down, charted out the chords, practised the piece in the tabernacle. On my way up the stairs, the first thought in my mind was: "Hey, it's so crowded. I need to get up the stairs. Now, how do I queeeeeze my way through?". The second thought in my mind was: "Hey, why is there a crowd coming down at this time? ... ... ... NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Man, time passes fast when you're practising the piano in church, and painstakingly slowly when it comes to exam pieces.



[No date] When Silence Is Golden
It was during the announcement, when pastor was giving out announcements before the offering song. Silence was observed as the pastor spoke. I retracted my hand from the score folder beyond the keyboard. For some amazing reason, my hand retraction path headed for the keys of the keyboard. And since the word 'fast' to describe the retraction rate was an understatement (for yet another reason I know not of)... you know the rest of the story.



[No Date] When Silence Is... Anything But Golden
Hmmm... once the amplifier on my side was switched off for some reason during praise & worship. And for some other reason that I know not of, I thought that the keyboard sound couldn't be heard. So, I tried pressing some keys. Didn't hear anything - drums were too loud. I proceeded to bang some keys repeatedly until... hmmm... I thought I heard something. Oh oh... ONLY my amplifier was turned off. (Note: Instrument: Brass sect 1, volume - max.)




List Of Other Small Stunts/Experiences In M&D

Fastest Fingers First
As a keyboardist, one usually comes into contact with different instruments within the same piece. It usually varies from strings, brass, violin to organ sounds. The funny thing is that sometimes, it is possible that your mind suddenly goes blank, and when the next instrument is required, I go "Oh no, what's the number combination for brass???!!! Wait wait wait wait...". And as usual, time and tide waits for no man. No. More accurately, a drummer waits for no number-fumbling keyboardist. Yea, that's the description man. Solution (ok, this is not a solution but an undesired consequence): Play a brass part with strings, or an organ part with brass, or none at all.



Cold Fingers
Usually, the atmosphere in the sanctuary is very cold to me. Sometimes, the atmosphere in the sanctuary is deep-freeze cold. Under cold or colder conditions, the fingers may or will harden and lose its dexterity. Then again, stuff could still be played, however stiff the fingers may be (with diminishing quality). Solution? Rub them while resting, or else, take off one playing hand and rub it vigorously without catching too much attention. I mean, what else can i do? I remove both hands when I need them ON they keyboard!!! Oh, I missed out that hand-clapping would be a sure kill to whatever heat you may have desperately tried to generate.



Record Breaker
Well, each week CD-RWs and envelopes used to contain the scores passed to musicians would be recycled. They are returned back to the musician's basket in the metal cabinet so that they can be used again. Of course, each time a person would return his/her envelope and CD used the previous week. Well, just somewhere in the 3rd week of June 2006 I returned a record holding of (prehaps of all-time in Lighthouse Evangelism's 16 years of establishment) of 9 envelopes with 3 missing somewhere at home. Oh well, you can't really blame me cause for the first time in my life, I saw the word "envelope" in the sms reminder about recycling. Or at least I would like to think so, about my first time noticing that word (fingers crossed).



Stubborn Pedal
Do you have any idea what it is like to have a pedal refusing to budge when moved with your feet, only to exceed its ideal position when you decide to set your adjusting strength to "brutal level". At that kind of rate, it just never gets to the position that you want it to be. Last resort: Bend down and move it with your hand just before the drummer starts his 4-beat intro to the next song.



Moving Pedal
Amazingly, although the pedal refuses to budge when you want it to, somehow it also refuses to stay in the spot when you want it to. And the more you pedal, the further it gets away from you no matter how you position your foot. And in extreme cases you may find yourself almost starting to slouch or slip from your seat, not that the keyboardist seat is any immobile than the pedal to begin with. Solution: Try to kick it back (this is the time when the above experience suddenly comes in again). Just what's with the pedal, I wonder?



Confession...
Take a look at the following score:

=)

Well, since strings sound somewhat soft, and somewhat muffled such that demisemiquavers are not to distinct, and considering it does take up time and there are 5 other pieces to go, and considering this is but 2 bars in a 100 bar piece, and considering blah blah blah... sometimes I play just a note. (OK, most of the time, happy?) Hey, I'm not the only keyboardist around guilty right? Someone tell me I'm not the only one... pleeeese....



Inventions
- Metal-coated tea bag to help with the sinking (Edmund Lum)

- Sound-powered telephone (Edmund Lum)

- Sound-powered telephone (Edmund Lum)

- Plug-in phones for plugging into a payphone to call - unable to recieve call. However, 10 cents will still be needed and you pay your monthly phone bills as usual (Edmund Lum)

- A clean dirt-free rubbish chute (Edmund Lum)

- A touchpad keyboard similar to the touchpad on a laptop, with letters on it (Edmund Lum)

- USB-portable touchpad (Edmund Lum)

- A square CD for better storage (Edmund Lum)

- Battery-powered book (Edmund Lum)

- Disposable dustbins (Edmund Lum)

- A "short circuit" switch that help save electricity when there is nobody at home (Edmund Lum)

- A white/black highlighter (Edmund Lum)

- Safety deposit box made of pure diamond for hardness. It is transparent to allow better visual of objects within it (Edmund Lum)

- An optic mouse combined with a decorated ball placed inside like an old-school mouse to allow any surface usage (Edmund Lum)

- DIY handphone to cut cost (Edmund Lum)

- A plastic knife - no rusting and it is lighter (Edmund Lum)

- Quick dry glue, only 0.2 sec of dry time (Edmund Lum)

- Doorless toliet for faster access (Edmund Lum)

- A pen with wider pen hole to prevent that all-time infamous ink jam (Edmund Lum)

- A 5-mm thick paper to prevent paper cut (Edmund Lum)

- Water-proof toilet paper to prevent wetting the entire roll when dropped on a wet floor, or easy breakage (Edmund Lum)

- A thermal panel powered heater (Edmund Lum)

- A faq list for patients who do not want to reply to any visitors (Edmund Lum & Glass Cookie)

- A deodorant that puts people off (Mustard seed)

- An umbrella with a wire connection (to attract lightning) that's earthed (Edmund Lum)

- An earthquake detector that sounds when there's an earthquake (Edmund Lum)

- A water sensor at the shoreline to detect an approaching tsunami (Edmund Lum)

- A energy-saving fridge that switches itself on via a smell senser specially for detecting certain rotting smells (Edmund Lum)

- A fire extinguishing bomb that creates a huge area of vacuum (sounds familiar?) so as to deprive the fire of oxygen (Edmund Lum)

- A solar powered torchlight

- A power-saving exit sign that lights up only when someone is around (Gabriel Goh)

- A self-locking door that locks itself when no one's around and unlocks itself when someone's near (Edmund Lum)

- Pencil lead harder than steel to improve on its fragility (Edmund Lum)

- A water-proof teabag to prevent breakage over long periods of soaking (Edmund Lum)

- A manual powered air conditioner (Glass Cookie)

- A water-sensitive sprinkler (Edmund Lum)

- A auto retractable roof via light and water sensors, hidden in the wall for protection (Edmund Lum)

- An anti-burglary system with the switch and sensor in the same room (Edmund Lum)

- A wooden barbecue pit (Glass Cookie and Edmund Chen)

- An acrylic oil rig and drill bit to save $$$ (Glass Cookie and Edmund Chen)

- A windows based DOS command prompt program (Glass Cookie)

- A wired handphone (Jackson Lum)


Misc
- A birthday breakfast celebration (Glass Cookie and Jackson Lum)

- A domesticated grizzily bear (Glass Cookie, inspired by Amanda Low)