Hua Ren

OK, this title was inspired from another blog that I have read (Yup. Can't think of a more suitable title, so I have decided to use something from your blog, if you're reading this entry by any chance. As usual, history has repeated itself.). Apparently, something similar happened to me, but in a different light/scenario/setting.

Well, it was dinner with Shannon at canteen 13 not too long ago. At the korean food store, someone greeted me, and he is chinese looking. I think he greeted me a "Hi" or something like that. Seeing item number 6 was what I wanted, I told the guy I wanted number 6 (hmmm, sounds a little duh). He replied "number 6?", did some confirmation and echoed it (in english, that is) to the guys responsible to prepare it. From his accent, I guessed he was a chinese national.

Now, Shannon was right behind me in the queue, and immediately he asked Shannon "ni3 yao4 shen3 me4 ne1?" and their conversation went in chinese. At that point in time, thoughts flashed through my mind. Nope. This must be a coincidence. Maybe he happened to change his language use just for the fun of it. Maybe Shannon looked very much like a chinese national (OK, this does not sound convincing. I know. I wasn't convinced either)? Well, I am a chinese, ain't I? How could a chinese not possibly recognise a fellow chinese? But, I was suddenly reminded of yet another event:

It was lunch after NTU cell at the yu2 pian4 mi2 fen3 store again. As I was serving that day, I went to place my order with the aunty first, to save time, before going off to order bubble tea for myself and the rest. When I got back, the cell enquired if I did order something from the aunty. Well, the aunty, in order to establish the fact that I did order something from her, referred me as the "ang mo-looking" guy. Man, what an identity crisis. Is it because of the lighter skin colour that I have that caused this impression? Even then, I do have fair-skinned friends who look absolutely chinese to me and they speak chinese (of course, whether I could reply them in a similar matter is altogether another topic). Hmmm...

But then again, I guess it's a blessing in disguise. It's not like I'm very fond of speaking in chinese to begin with. It would actually be a mess, and if you didn't know it, I'm quite afraid to communicate in chinese sometimes. And in that kind of situations, I have to repeatedly tell myself to relax. When I'm stressed, basic (and I mean really basic) words would somehow go into hiding in some other part of the brain, away from that part that handles memory and memory retrieval of the chinese language.

Thought: But I am chinese... Well, I guess that doesn't matter.

Crappy Responses

Hmmm... my life has been pretty uneventful, but today, something crappy caught my attention. This is the scenario: a few girls called my friend to ask him about the module that 3 of us are currently taking just before the add/drop period. And from there, we were talking about the course. Somehow, we came across the thought of what if we tricked them into the course (assuming that the course was a bad one. Of course, we want to believe that it's an okay one because... well... we're in it, duh? But somehow that belief is starting to become a fantasy... OK, better not stray from the main point).

Of course, the girls didn't take the module. But we were just considering what we would say should we be approached for smoking them into joining the module (well, there were only 3 responses during the chat, but me being the crappy me, thought of more responses after I left):

Girls: "Hey, I thought you said that the course was ok? It's actually bad!"

Response 1: "What? It's bad?"

Response 2: "What? It is good what..." (It seems such a response would require a high persuasive power. I don't think I have it, so it's better not to employ this statement.)

Response 3: "Erm, did I say it was good?"

Response 4: "How do you define bad?"

Response 5: "Erm, it was good until..." (until they joined? But this is not to be mentioned in order not to cut short one's lifespan, since it's only considered but a mist in the good ole' Book. Smoke something else after the word 'until'.)

Well, the above responses would be what I guess to be the more normal crappy reactions. Somehow, some really crappy reactions came across my mind:

Ultimate Response 1: "You didn't ask me if it was bad what...?"

Ultimate Response 2: "Ya, I know." (I guess one could fortell the horrified looks on their faces, then turning into really piqued ones.)

Ultimate Response 3: "WHAT???!!! You actually took it???!!!" (Well, at least this response would get them to start thinking if whatever you told them was meant to be a joke.)

Ultimate Response 4: "Oh, really? Did I tell you I just dropped that module?" (I think it would be wise to run after saying this. And... run like hell.)

Gosh, I was really feeling crappy. I think this happens when stress starts to drive you nuts, though I do believe crappiness is NOT a form of going nuts. I'm pretty sure the list of 20 people in my crappy friends list would testify to that. Well, at least none of them are in IMH. =)

Thought: Sigh, school's boring. I miss my piano...

I'm Phaseolusaureusphobic

I'm phaseolusaureusphobic =\

Now, you must be wondering what exactly on earth is a condition known as phaseolusaureusphobia. To be exact, the phaseolus aureus is on earth. In fact, it is so abundant, one may not even know that the phaseolus aureus is before him/her until he/she finally reads this blog entry to the end. And it, being so abundant, and so close to every person's (whoever that may come across it. Why? That's because I seriously doubt that the Eskimos have come across them. But then again, one can never be too sure of that.) and musician's hearts... the Phaseolus aureus, has caused much trauma to me.

Still wondering what the phaseolus aureus is? Guess no further. It is known as the tau gei. The term tau gei is used to describe bean sprouts and the musical note (more exactly, the quaver). If you want to know what a quaver is, type '(8)' in your MSN messenger, or check it out here =)
Thus, my definition of phaseolusaureusphobia would be a condition in which a person has a fear of sight reading tau geis, and come a time when he/she has to perform, reading and playing them straight off, especially in an examination-like condition or in the presence of an audience, certain signs and symptoms that arise would be: trembling legs, mind going blank, detesting that entire process, getting edgy, cold fingers, loss of dexterity and touch on the piano (or whichever instrument applicable), butterflies in the stomach, instability, loss of confidence... etc.

Now, you must be wondering why on earth would I be typing all of the above. It's simple: In about 2 weeks, 2 people have asked me to play/teach classical stuff. If I remember correctly, the last time I sight-read a classical piece, it became a modern/20th century piece. And trust me, you wouldn't want to go through the disappointment of listening to a modern piece after going through all the trouble just to find one. It doesn't sooth your ears much, anyway. Hmmm, I wonder why there are no job vacancies for chord reading/playing by ear. Could it be due to the reason that there's no cert attached to it? But then again, if I could train up to play pretty well (not yet, but still trying), I guess people would assume that you have at least a certain grade. But that's like some smoke screen. Then again, I do have a friend who could hardly play simple songs barely 3 months after getting a distinction for his grade 8 practical. Still, there are people who have the grade and play very well too. Arrrgh, why think so much? Just be happy serving the Lord in M&D. Ooo... I love playing for church, I love playing... etc. OK, better not start another happy streak of ranting for now.

Thought: Still, I love playing for church, I love playing for church... etc =)

A Program...

Well, I personally felt that remembering people's blog addresses can be a hassle. Also, having to store them in a file, only to open them and cut-and-paste them onto the browser's URL is not efficient either. Thus, I've created a proggy:

http://www.snapdrive.net/files/29229/My%20Blog%20Loader%20%3D%29.zip

This program saves your address list as bloglist.txt in the same folder as your exe file. =) Post a comment if you found it useful, so I'll know whether to put up stuff on my blog in future. Thanks!

A Paralysed Camel...

Well, as the saying goes, there was this "the last straw that broke the camel's back". Let's assume that a camel's spinal cord has a certain value for its ultimate stress, beyond which failure takes place. Given that its back has been loaded to the point of its ultimate stress, the addition of another straw would increase the applied stress, resulting in its failure. I think that last straw came to pass today (and no, I'm not a camel. But if this saying is true each time a person reaches his/her limit... today, a camel probably could no longer move again ).

As if it weren't bad enough that...
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Today...
- The library computer corrupted my mp3 thumbdrive and I have to do more than just reformatting it to get it working. This is the second time. (Dear readers, if you're using any Creative devices, never, never, NEVER plug it into the NTU Lee Wee Nam Library computers. You have been forewarned. Don't come to me after crap has happened. OK, you could if you were bored or desperate enough to mess up your device. =) I'm not a mean person. Just one going crazy only.)

- I mixed up my timetable and missed a lecture which has no recording.

- I'm lagging behind time in all my subjects now (Hey, what am I doing at my laptop now? Who cares...? I don't, for now.)

- I still have 2 undone tutorials (not that the third one is complete) and 3 are due tomorrow (refer to the bracketed statement above this).

- After walking a long way to the piano room, I found out that it was in use when I thought I could chill off in there.

- The bus I traveled in went in a loop back to where I waited for the bus without going to my hall. It took me about 45 over minutes to get back to hall when it could have been 10. Felt like an idiot (OK, maybe an idiot wouldn't know the difference between 10 and 45 over minutes, so it's not so bad after all). Maybe I wasn't thinking when I've reached my limits and hopped onto the wrong bus.

All in all, with those feelings reaching a peak, and with all these crappy stuff happening, I guess it's no wonder we now have a camel casualty suffering from paralysis. I pray for a cold heart, or least for one that's immune to crapped up days like today.

Thought: Shall we put the camel to sleep? Hey, what am I thinking here? I need to go (not 'be put') to sleep. No no, tutorial comes first... sigh...

End Of Week 1 =) ... =\ ... =( ... ???

Phew! After 4 dreadful days of lectures and a lab (which will last 5 weeks. What kind of lab is that?), the first week of school is finally over. But thinking about it, if week 1, being the most relaxed week of the semester, was actually dreadful... what of the rest of the semester?

I was thinking about what was the thing that made school dreadful to me. After some thought, my guess was that it seemed to be a pointless 4 years since if you ever get to apply 5-10% of all that you've learnt in your university, you're considered lucky (Oh, I'm not implying that if you actually applied less than 5% of all that you've learnt, you're unlucky. Rather, if you do not need to apply what you've learnt in uni, I think it's a blessing too. No calculus, integrals/differentials of physics equations, matrices, fluid dynamics/mechanics... etc. Hmmm, so is applying 5-10% lucky then?). Then comes the inevitable question of "what on earth am I doing in university then???!!!". I believe it's due to the fact that we need a cert to sit through an interview, thus there is a need to run the rat race (why rats, I wonder. I know of turtle races, or even frog races which are better than rats in terms of their species and preference. Rats, hmmmm...) to get the cert and all. In short, we're buying a degree just that together with it comes 4 years of non-applicable studying (OK, it can be applicable if you actually bothered to calculate the perfect path of a broom for its maximum effectiveness of energy usage when it comes to sweeping, but that's about it, I think.).

After much consideration, I wondered what life would be like if I ignored the usual path of science students all the way from secondary school to JC to engineering and studied music instead (just a thought). Somehow, that didn't work out either, due to that experience just a few months ago where I had to practice for my piano exams. I can't even sit still for an hour (note: classical music only, and score related pieces.). So, that kind of life is pretty out for me too. So, what on earth exactly do I want to do in future? Hey, my thoughts seem to be drifting.

Anyway, since I do not have much of an idea on what kind of path I want to take (or at least not anymore), I guess I'll just follow the path I'm in and see what the Lord has in store for me in a*rospace engineering =) Meanwhile, the only consolation I have would be that I'll be playing in church again. =) Off to practice now... Worry about next tuesday's tutorial some other time.

Thought: I must not be stressed, I must not be stressed, I MUST not be stressed, I must NOT be stressed... I MUST NOT BE STRESSED... etc.

I'm Not Stressed =|

Hmmm, so far, the first week has been quite OK, I think. Other than lectures being quite fast-paced (and they're actually considered sloooow), and I haven't been getting enough sleep recently for some bizarre reason. Lab starts tomorrow although I'm quite sure other that the other engineering faculties do not start theirs so early. Well, the electronics lecturer (he's not the only one) seemed to prepare us to expect an acceleration in the lecture pace soon. Every freak lecturer has been bugging everyone to buy books (probably they wrote it?) when I simply refuse to buy them for referencing for no more than 3 times in my lifetime. I have no idea what other module to add to my current list of electives... etc. And since everything seemed OK, I should not be stressed.

Well, I'm not stressed. Yup. Not stressed at all. =) I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. I am not stressed. ARRRGH! ARRRGH! ARRRGH! I'M NOT STRESSED! ARRRRRGH!!!!!!!!

OK, that crazy ranting was probably due to my lack of sleep. I'll probably feel better after my nap - had less than 5 hours of sleep last night (or was it this morning?). And maybe my thoughts would be more logical then. That is, I hope, I guess, I think, I anticipate, I pray... etc. Good morning/afternoon/evening/night (pick whichever to suit the time of your reading)!!!

Childhood Memories

Today, I visited one of my 'crazy buddy's' grandad's funeral. Somehow, while chatting with him, we drifted to the topic of my childhood. Come to think about it, I was quite a monster when I was little. (OK, I can forsee some stunned look. Relax, I'm a good boy now. That's just my past.)

The funny thing about my memory is that when it chooses to register certain events (at random. I have no idea what it prefers to register), it seemed to store and recollect very well. Well, when I was little, there were quite a number of items I remember throwing (funny how my sis ended up getting medals for doing that while all that I got were scoldings):

Grey Lego Blocks
Well, I didn't like grey (that's also the main reason why I refused to go to NJC after seeing the school. I'm serious. Everything is a freak grey, but that's another story) blocks in my lego set. So, I threw them out of the window. Sometimes, while waiting for the school bus to arrive, i would go around the grass patch of my block to look for them again.

Used Batteries
Yup. You didn't read wrongly. I threw them down after they were, well, expended. Somehow, it hit a grandpa of a girl a few levels down in my block. Ironically, he's the old uncle I used to greet while waiting for the school bus. How he figured it was me was simple. After the first hit, he looked up and waited. Then, the silly me, faithful to my hobby of throwing things down, lobbed yet another projectile (well, since I liked throwing things down, it could be a random order of items you see in this blog, not necessarily another battery.). He counted from that level all the way to the ground floor to determine my position. Oh, did I forget to mention that I was staying on the 11th floor? Yup. And after that, he happened to pop by when my dad was around (yea, bad timing). You know/could guess the rest of the story.

Over-Salted Macaroni Soup.
You may think it strange that such an item could be listed. This is a little different. Well, as you know, forbidden fruit tastes sweetest and somehow, the soya sauce bottle was marked out to be a forbidden item when I was little, lest I should over-consume salt at such a young age. Well, mummy and daddy weren't at home then, so I decided to super-enhance my boring bowl of macaroni soup with the ultimate forbidden fruit (or rather, should it be called the 'forbidden concoction'? Well, although it was the 'fruit' of a plant source, it didn't look anything like a fruit.) Then, aha! I overdid it. So, the soup became super salty. And since no way was I going to drink the edited soup (which had some 2 over spoonfuls of soya sauce in it), I spat it out of the window. I wonder how the victim of the soya rain would feel should one get hit. Oh well, at least it was antiseptic from the amount of salt it contained, so it shouldn't feel too bad after all.

Me Sister's Clothes
Trust me. Sibling rivalry is deinitely present in a kiddo when he thought his sis had more attention from his parents. So, after throwing an item out of the window from me sis' wardrobe, I would notify mummy and daddy that something's missing from her wardrobe (Dear Fi, if you're reading this, hahaha... is that something new to you?). Well, I told you I was a monster when I was little. Try not to look shocked if you are =)

My Dad's Trophy Collection
Well, ever since that incident happened over ten years ago, he still remembers it. Hmmm, I guess it was his treasured possession. I remember clearly it was a cabinet which had 2 glass bases such that you could place two columns of trophies. And from the kind of length that I remember, one could easily place ten to twenty over trophhies there. Somehow, I managed to secure a stool, open that cabinet, and obtain a trophy. Then (not very long later), wheeee... off it went, out of the window. My dad's recollection was that when he came back from work one fine day, he saw bits of shattered gold and trophies at the ground floor. Initially, he ignored them. But as he saw more and more of them as he walked, he couldn't help but notice that they look awfully familiar. And somehow, he chanced upon one of the captions with his name on it, for some particular event. Well, they were trophies for boxing, soccer... etc. So, if you were to visit my room, you could see about 2 or 3 surviving ones. (My guess was that they were the unreachable ones in the cabinet.

An Ice Block
Well, at that kind of age, freezing water into ice seemed to be nothing less than facinating. After taking my favourite brown-coloured drinking cup, I would fill it with water and pop it into the freezer. After a long time (Well, was I dumb enough to wait through the entire fusion process? I guess not. I had lego to throw, remember?), Voilà! Out came ice =) Well, since the habit of throwing stuff kicks in often, I took it to the kitchen window and allowed gravity to do the rest. Oh, somehow the cup also cracked due to the science fact about water expanding at 4 degrees Celsius due to the intermolecular forces of repulsion between water molecules. But what do you expect a kid to know at that age, right? I remember my cup cracked as my brain happened to register that I was feeling kinda sad at the crack. But since it wasn't cracked enough to leak, the little ice factory production continued. Once, I was freaked out when I thought I heard a scream after gravity did its job. Thought I had killed someone. That stopped me from throwing things down, but not for long. I remember even convincing myself that no one died, but to no avail (so I guess I know what it feels to have killed someone). I looked through the papers for headlines (Yes, I could read a little by then, and for the first time in my life being so dilligent in reading the papers and watching the news. Can you imagine, a kiddo WATCHING NEWS?) for the headlines of someone killed by ice. It seemed like a joke now, but, really... An innocent kiddo at a tender age looking at the possibility of a death sentence (yep, somehow I knew) is no joke. Well, after a few days without news of a dead person beside a melting ice block, I was finally convinced I wasn't a murderer. What a relief!

Used Tissue Paper
Well, tissue papers are for using, aren't they? Since they have outlived their purpose after one usage, coupled with a fancy of throwing stuff... you know....

A Crappy Kite
After seeing how people put their kites up in the sky, me being me tried to make a kite by connecting thin strips of paper via staples to a kite-shaped piece of paper. And out it went. I remember once the wind did take it up but only for a moment. Other instances, they got trapped in the window frames of the levels above and below me. That's when the kite was jettisoned.

Hmmm, I was pretty sure that there were other items but I guess that's the end of my memory's funny pattern of registering childhood memories =) And remember... It's the recount of the life of the little me then, not now. Don't look at me with different eyes now, hehe.

Thought: I miss my childhood days =/

Stoning =|

Oh well, today didn't really feel like a sunday. I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way. In fact, tomorrow does not feel like the start of a new term. Hmmm... my holidays felt like merely a few weeks. Hmmm... hmmm... aha! I know why! The piano examinations ate up my holidays. I think 'sucked up' would be a more appropriate description. In fact, it did such a good job in sucking up my holidays I dare say it could rival a black hole since even memories of what on earth exactly happened during my holidays were sucked in. So ultimately... my 3 month holidays felt like a few (when I used 'few', I meant 3 and under, since 'few' is subjective. I think I remember someone described a quantity of over 10 units with the word 'some' - and no, I'm not referring to over 10 people telling me that) weeks break since when the piano examinations ended, it also ended that black hole together with it. Hey! It outdid a black hole! A black hole can't suck itself. This piano examination did. Then again, I'm glad it didn't suck anything else beyond my memory of 3 months (ie. I still know my name).

Hmmm... actually, I can't remember what I'm supposed to blog about. In short (this may sound kinda confusing)... I'm blogging about not knowing what to blog about although I'm quite sure I started blogging about what I wanted to blog about with the blog topic in mind just that I can't remember what I wanted to blog about on this blog of mine halfway while I was blogging. OK, I'm sorry. It's not short.

Oh, I remember what I wanted to blog about. It's simple, really. Tomorrow's the start of school!!! And it didn't feel like the start of school. That's about it. OK, I think I mentioned this at the start. I'm sorry to those terribly confused at this entry (OK, I confess. I'm not sorry at all. This includes the 'sorry' in the previous paragraph.). It's OK if you don't understand any bit of it. Neither do I =) This happens when I'm tired. For those who know me (and to those who do not really know me), I babble nonsense when I'm tired.

Question: Is school starting tomorrow?

Yay! In Hall 13 Again =)

Expected (somewhat) miracle of miracles! I'm my roomie's roomie again (erm, by using the word 'roomie' to describe him, doesn't that already make me his roomie? Never mind...)! I just got an email from NTU Hall 13 that I've gotten a place. It's kind of a miracle, yet somehow, an expected one. Confusing? Allow me to elaborate...

Usually, whether you would get back the same roomie is usually quite a difficult affair unless you have tons of points to share around with or unless you have some [clearing throat] (hmmm, what has voice got to do with text on a screen? OK, I'm feeling sleepy. Maybe that's explains the incoherence.) 'assistance' (aka connections). If you were kicked out of hall, perish the thought. If one could secure a room at that stage, it's a blessing. During semester 2 last year, when my CCA points were still slowly increasing from activities, somehow there was an assurance in my heart that the Lord would provide a place for me. But then, since that assurance did not come in the form where the sky parted, the heavens opened, angelic music playing at the background, and came forth from the opened pearly gates of heaven was an angel who proclaimed in a loud voice like the sound of a trumpet blast "Now, hear ye the words of the Lord: the Lord hath appointeth a room for thy future. Worry not"... ... ... I kinda doubted. And after I was kicked out of hall because I only secured 74 points while the general cutoff point was 89, the feeling of reassurance was still there. By that time, my brain (being more logical-orientated due to circumstances) was telling my heart to stop babbling feelings of reassurance. Yet I was half hoping for a place in hall.

You know, within the complicated processes and algorithms (which may be buggy) of my brain, some parts would say "Relax, the Lord's in control". Yet, on the other hand, it considers the worst case scenario. In order to play safe, it's kinda better not to expect too much. And somehow, that consideration led to doubts. I guess I should learn to trust what's in my heart next time (though I think this is event repetition number... 4, 5, 6...?). Oh well, I'm going to miss my piano again. Sigh... OK, better not complain too much after receiving a blessing. Hahaha. But a piano given to the hall band would be a nice thought... (hint hint to the Big Boss up there) =)

Conclusion: God is our provider (and very generous at it).

I Love Playing In Church! =)

Okie, you may think that this post is totally contrary to the previous post (but don't worry. I'm not confused or crazy. Explaining more...).

I love playing for church I love playing for church I love playing for church I love playing for church I love playing for church I love playing for church I love playing for church x10000. OK, at this point you may really think I've gone crazy, but whenever someone chats with me and we somehow come to the topic of my ministry in M&D, I would feel so blessed in M&D because I just enjoy playing during services. I do not exactly know why, but whenever I'm playing, or know that I'll be playing soon, I would just feel soooo happy =) (Of course, as you've guessed correctly (if you did guess), someone activated my happy button by coming to the topic of M&D)

Sometimes, I couldn't understand why worship leaders would 'encourage' us by saying "after this it'll be over, phew! Let's do this one more time!" or something like that. Maybe they were tired? Actually, at that point of time, i felt a little sad that it was the last session and everything would be ending. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining or judging anyone. Just relating my thoughts here. Of course, I still feel that my skills are very inadeqate. But I guess it can't be helped for now. Practise practise practise...

Conclusion: I love playing I love playing I love playing ... x???

ARRRGH =|

Sigh, I feel so inadequate in the piano. (OK, I know I'm gonna get lots of scolding form this statement, but... but...)

My chord reading's crap. How on earth do you improve on it at a faster rate other than practising? My 6 'other' keys are crap. My improvisation is stagnant and limited. ARRRGH! This is one of those times when I felt my music was crapped, in spite of whatever history there was and stuff. Crap crap crap.

Oh wait... I just remembered something: saying a prayer 2 days back to be humbled. It's a little too effective right? Could it be...? Still, me piano's crapped.