A Cookie's Life

Warning: This is mostly a crappy blog. Crappers and crap-accepting folks alike: Welcome! To all others: Warning. Danger! Keep Out! Read On At Your Own Risk! The author shall by no means be liable for any damage caused directly or indirectly, implicitly or explicitly as a result of the reading of the contents of this blog.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Quirky News Article

Interestingly, today's papers contained an article which caught my attention: Hangin* ont* old PCs t_o cu*t c*ost_s? It's ba*d f*or pr*odu_ctiv*ity. This article talked about how "old an_d* sluggish" computers end up reducing productivity, and the possible trends in which companies get new computers. Sales of c*mputers was also reported to have decreased by certain figures in the last q*uarter. Interestingly, it cited an example about some A_T&T employ*es suing the company for not paying tem the exra 3*0 mins they had to waste in starting up and shutting down the computer.

In my opinion... that's strange talk. I suppose the writer had made the following assumptions:

1. Most offices are into 3D-gaming, graphics processing, video editing, complex algorithm processing...

2. A vista is faster than an XP machine, as much as an XP machine is faster than a win2k,98,95 machine. And hey, the latest version of windows is definitely gonna be faster than the current vista. Yup, yup, it must be...

3. The faster the machine runs, the greater the productivity. Thus, if my old computer could calculate the sum of 20 items in 0.005 seconds when I click on the add button, and this new machine could do the same on 0.001 seconds, hey, that's a 400% improvement! Wow, I'm so going to get a new machine at any rate...

4. Most old computers that companies are super old and laggy. While hard disk defragmentation, uninstallation of unused software, configuration for maximum performance and a registry cleanup may possible speed up a computer over 2-3 times in really jialat (i.e. worst-of-the-worse) circumstances/computers, it makes more sense in spending a few thousand dollars to replace them all.

5. Some geniuses probably tried installing XP on a pentium 2 or below, a vista on a pentium 3 or below, and probably the latest operating system on a pentium 4 or below, and all with 256 mb or less of RAM =)

6. Programs are getting more efficient and smaller in size. In short, an office 2007 would work faster and require less hard disk space than office 2003 on the same machine, a 2003 faster than a 2000, a 2000 faster than a 97... etc.

7. With the increasing amount of processing power over time, speed limitations due to hard disk and RAM being the bottlenecks can be ignored. (i.e. if my ram is at 533 mHz (and most calculations require RAM) and my processor is at 4 GHz, getting a 4 GHz duo core PC with 667 MHz ram would mean a doubling in speed although there is a 667 MHz bottleneck. ???!!!) As for had disk speeds... haha, I doubt I need to elaborate on them...

8. With the increase of processing power (i.e. hardware), software will automatically catch up in utilising that power (although from history, software has always lagged behind hardware. for example, the 32-bit windows XP of today. Did you know that currently, hardware supports up to 128 bit already? Note: Bits indicate the amount of information that can be processed at each clock cycle. As such, a 32 bit processor could process twice the information as a 16-bit processor and hence, could operate twice as fast).

9. Of all countries, S*ng*pore is technically backward such that most offices still rely on MS-DOS or windows 95 as their sole operating system with the bare, bare, really bare minimal specs of hard disk space <200 MB and RAM <8 MB... And many companies are reaaaaly laaaaagging out theeeeeere...

Thought: Hmmm, I never knew engineering required that many assumptions of that kind of scale in any given problem.



Monday, March 23, 2009

Treasure Hunt Plans...

Now, now, just where on earth is that treasure hunt plan...


Thought: Better find it fast cause I've got no idea what I'll do next. Arrrgh, someone stop (or rather, 'start') me!!!



Indent List...

Hmmm, for the month of March, 2009, I must remember to buy the following items...

Must-get list...
- 7 Crates x 100 smoke grenades for the next 7 days
- 1 x Mother-of-all-smoke-bombs for airport management CA report (30%)
- 1 x Father-of-all-smoke-bombs for U*A_V CA report (50%)
- 2 x Decoys
- 1 x Mugger mode activation key
- 1 x Key to the safe containing Mugger mode activation key
- 1 x Map leading to the key to the safe containing Mugger mode activation key
- 1 x Treasure hunt plan leading to the map leading to the key to the safe containing Mugger mode activation key

KIV list...
- 1 x Stealth+3 par*ang for you-know-which-prof-but-come-to-think-about-it-comma-I-doubt-you-actually-do-fullstop-And-come-to-think-about-it-comma-I-have-no-idea-which-prof-it-might-possibly-be-fullstop-And-hey-comma-why-am-I-typing-tonnes-of-hyphens-question-mark-Must-be-the-sanity-leak-in-aer*space-I-guess-fullstop-fullstop-fullstop.
- 1 x Invisible cloak

Hmmm... oh well, guess I'll do my shopping later tonight... if I can get hold of those travel plans...



Friday, March 20, 2009

Horrifying Resource Management

While h*man reso*rce manag*ment is being taught at the final year of my t*rtiary studies, these are the facts that I've gathered from the lecture materials so far in 5 sessions:

Psychoanalysis
IMO, the moron who started this supposedly scientific theory of psychoanalysis needed more psychiatric help than the help he intended to provide. It starts to cause one to wonder if the following scenario were possible in HR:

Boss to GC: Hey, I need 5 solid guys on night-shift tomorrow for the production line to be at maximum operational speed. I'll leave it to you to settle the details...

GC's thoughts: Hmmm, since the boss requires solid (i.e. 'real' and hence solid) guys, I guess I'll have to look for straight guys.

GC to male workers: Hey people, how many of you fantasised of having s***x with your mum when you were kids? And at the same time, how many of you were afraid that your dad would castrate you? Any one?

[GC looks for any raised hands among the bewildered faces]

GC's thoughts: Oh my goodness, no one! I'm surrounded by a bunch of g*ys... ... ...

Paparazis hound prince's girlfriend
Well, this was a 1 page presentation with a picture of a girl. And that was supposedly the girlfriend of one of Princess Di*na's sons. What's the link?

3 Kingd*ms, Sense m*king and c*mplexity the*ry
Well, as much as organisations may be complex or in a complex situation in which variables may not be that well defined, I have absolutely no clue how this part of the 3 kingd*ms relate to huma* resour*e managem*nt. In a 10 page report, statistics of how often a character appeared and some figures are stated. Seriously, the lecturer has lost me in a period further than the 3 kingdo*s...

Kursk
A russian submarine that sank at sea due to an internal explosion was a big event back then. Russia refused help from UK and US. Conspiracy theories on what actually happened vs the recorded happenings and news were stated in the lecture notes. Hmmm... perhaps HR personnel perform cover-ups such that it is important to study war games? Yikes, it's a crazy world out there man...


I'm lost lost lost lost lost... =/ Maybe I should attend the lectures after all. Then again, nah... Why bother? It's not like the feedback I got from my friends were any better...



Monday, March 02, 2009

Murder Scene

A video capturing device recorded the following events that took place on the night the roachy was hanging out at, moments before its body washed up the end of the sewage pipe.

[GC dumps trash at the sink area]
GC's eye: Unidentified body detected in sink. Identity confirmed. Class: Roach

GC's intelligence unit: Proceed to exterminate, according to protocol

GC's mind: I'm pissed... as if I'm not busy enough, this roachy has intruded private property.

GC's flight mechanism: Man, let's get out of this area

GC's fight mechanism: Denied. Advance to obtain mozziquito swatter.

[GC goes to take the mozziquito swatter]

GC's intelligence unit: Determine if Roachy is still at sink

GC's eye: Affirmative. Roachy is still at sink.

GC's eye: New activity detected. Roachy has climbed onto the door ledge.

GC's fight mechanism: Proceed to strike Roachy.

GC's flight mechanism: Oh man, here we goooooooo... yikes!!!

[GC whacks at Roachy but missses]

GC's fight mechanism: Missed. Proceed to take aim.

[Roachy ends up on the ground]

GC's intelligence unit: Roachy is vulnerable now. This is the best time to strike.

GC's fight mechanism: Ready... take aim... strike!

[It was a hit and Roachy ends up upside-down on the ground]

GC's intelligence unit: Proceed to perform cleanup, as per protocol.

GC's mind: No no. When you wanna finish someone off, you've got to do it the mafiaso way whereby a group of guys clear all the rounds of their pistol on a body.

GC's fight mechanism: Proceed for repeated strike until signalled to stop.

GC's mind: Die, Roachy, DIEEEEEE... muahahaha, MUAHAHAHA!!!

[GC sends about 3-5 whacks on the upside-down roachy... legs flew around, brown juice splattered about and Roachy is motionless]

GC's intelligence unit: Proceed to perform cleanup, as per protocol.

GC's fight mechanism: Cease striking and proceed to cleanup.

[Motionless, mutilated Roachy is wrapped up in a thick tissue and flushed down the toilet]

---

As this case has been classified as unauthorised entry in restricted zone, the case has since been closed.



List Of My All-Time Big Stunts In M&D

30 Jul 2006 - When Silence Is Golden 2
It's funny how history repeats itself in a different form. This time, I minimised the volume of the keyboard to zero to try out a new song "I believe in miracles". And for yet (again, miraculously, ironically) another bizarre reason that I know not of, I actually turned the volume up WITHOUT knowing - and CONTINUED practising. Somehow the amplifiers were turned off by the sound guys (probably a safety measure against stuntmen like me?) until they could finally silence it no more and suddenly, out of the nowhere (oh, sorry, that would be the keyboard) came a loud note that penetrated the silence. I jerked in shock (very obviously). And yes, once again it's during the announcement time when silence is definitely golden.



04 Jun 2006 - Time and Congregation Waits For No Man
It was another faithful day in church, playing the keyboard for morning service, 9 and 11 a.m. After the 2nd service praise & worship session, it so happened that no one else could make it for the closing song. Well, since I was pretty free, I was asked to play it. So, I went down, charted out the chords, practised the piece in the tabernacle. On my way up the stairs, the first thought in my mind was: "Hey, it's so crowded. I need to get up the stairs. Now, how do I queeeeeze my way through?". The second thought in my mind was: "Hey, why is there a crowd coming down at this time? ... ... ... NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Man, time passes fast when you're practising the piano in church, and painstakingly slowly when it comes to exam pieces.



[No date] When Silence Is Golden
It was during the announcement, when pastor was giving out announcements before the offering song. Silence was observed as the pastor spoke. I retracted my hand from the score folder beyond the keyboard. For some amazing reason, my hand retraction path headed for the keys of the keyboard. And since the word 'fast' to describe the retraction rate was an understatement (for yet another reason I know not of)... you know the rest of the story.



[No Date] When Silence Is... Anything But Golden
Hmmm... once the amplifier on my side was switched off for some reason during praise & worship. And for some other reason that I know not of, I thought that the keyboard sound couldn't be heard. So, I tried pressing some keys. Didn't hear anything - drums were too loud. I proceeded to bang some keys repeatedly until... hmmm... I thought I heard something. Oh oh... ONLY my amplifier was turned off. (Note: Instrument: Brass sect 1, volume - max.)




List Of Other Small Stunts/Experiences In M&D

Fastest Fingers First
As a keyboardist, one usually comes into contact with different instruments within the same piece. It usually varies from strings, brass, violin to organ sounds. The funny thing is that sometimes, it is possible that your mind suddenly goes blank, and when the next instrument is required, I go "Oh no, what's the number combination for brass???!!! Wait wait wait wait...". And as usual, time and tide waits for no man. No. More accurately, a drummer waits for no number-fumbling keyboardist. Yea, that's the description man. Solution (ok, this is not a solution but an undesired consequence): Play a brass part with strings, or an organ part with brass, or none at all.



Cold Fingers
Usually, the atmosphere in the sanctuary is very cold to me. Sometimes, the atmosphere in the sanctuary is deep-freeze cold. Under cold or colder conditions, the fingers may or will harden and lose its dexterity. Then again, stuff could still be played, however stiff the fingers may be (with diminishing quality). Solution? Rub them while resting, or else, take off one playing hand and rub it vigorously without catching too much attention. I mean, what else can i do? I remove both hands when I need them ON they keyboard!!! Oh, I missed out that hand-clapping would be a sure kill to whatever heat you may have desperately tried to generate.



Record Breaker
Well, each week CD-RWs and envelopes used to contain the scores passed to musicians would be recycled. They are returned back to the musician's basket in the metal cabinet so that they can be used again. Of course, each time a person would return his/her envelope and CD used the previous week. Well, just somewhere in the 3rd week of June 2006 I returned a record holding of (prehaps of all-time in Lighthouse Evangelism's 16 years of establishment) of 9 envelopes with 3 missing somewhere at home. Oh well, you can't really blame me cause for the first time in my life, I saw the word "envelope" in the sms reminder about recycling. Or at least I would like to think so, about my first time noticing that word (fingers crossed).



Stubborn Pedal
Do you have any idea what it is like to have a pedal refusing to budge when moved with your feet, only to exceed its ideal position when you decide to set your adjusting strength to "brutal level". At that kind of rate, it just never gets to the position that you want it to be. Last resort: Bend down and move it with your hand just before the drummer starts his 4-beat intro to the next song.



Moving Pedal
Amazingly, although the pedal refuses to budge when you want it to, somehow it also refuses to stay in the spot when you want it to. And the more you pedal, the further it gets away from you no matter how you position your foot. And in extreme cases you may find yourself almost starting to slouch or slip from your seat, not that the keyboardist seat is any immobile than the pedal to begin with. Solution: Try to kick it back (this is the time when the above experience suddenly comes in again). Just what's with the pedal, I wonder?



Confession...
Take a look at the following score:

=)

Well, since strings sound somewhat soft, and somewhat muffled such that demisemiquavers are not to distinct, and considering it does take up time and there are 5 other pieces to go, and considering this is but 2 bars in a 100 bar piece, and considering blah blah blah... sometimes I play just a note. (OK, most of the time, happy?) Hey, I'm not the only keyboardist around guilty right? Someone tell me I'm not the only one... pleeeese....



Inventions
- Metal-coated tea bag to help with the sinking (Edmund Lum)

- Sound-powered telephone (Edmund Lum)

- Sound-powered telephone (Edmund Lum)

- Plug-in phones for plugging into a payphone to call - unable to recieve call. However, 10 cents will still be needed and you pay your monthly phone bills as usual (Edmund Lum)

- A clean dirt-free rubbish chute (Edmund Lum)

- A touchpad keyboard similar to the touchpad on a laptop, with letters on it (Edmund Lum)

- USB-portable touchpad (Edmund Lum)

- A square CD for better storage (Edmund Lum)

- Battery-powered book (Edmund Lum)

- Disposable dustbins (Edmund Lum)

- A "short circuit" switch that help save electricity when there is nobody at home (Edmund Lum)

- A white/black highlighter (Edmund Lum)

- Safety deposit box made of pure diamond for hardness. It is transparent to allow better visual of objects within it (Edmund Lum)

- An optic mouse combined with a decorated ball placed inside like an old-school mouse to allow any surface usage (Edmund Lum)

- DIY handphone to cut cost (Edmund Lum)

- A plastic knife - no rusting and it is lighter (Edmund Lum)

- Quick dry glue, only 0.2 sec of dry time (Edmund Lum)

- Doorless toliet for faster access (Edmund Lum)

- A pen with wider pen hole to prevent that all-time infamous ink jam (Edmund Lum)

- A 5-mm thick paper to prevent paper cut (Edmund Lum)

- Water-proof toilet paper to prevent wetting the entire roll when dropped on a wet floor, or easy breakage (Edmund Lum)

- A thermal panel powered heater (Edmund Lum)

- A faq list for patients who do not want to reply to any visitors (Edmund Lum & Glass Cookie)

- A deodorant that puts people off (Mustard seed)

- An umbrella with a wire connection (to attract lightning) that's earthed (Edmund Lum)

- An earthquake detector that sounds when there's an earthquake (Edmund Lum)

- A water sensor at the shoreline to detect an approaching tsunami (Edmund Lum)

- A energy-saving fridge that switches itself on via a smell senser specially for detecting certain rotting smells (Edmund Lum)

- A fire extinguishing bomb that creates a huge area of vacuum (sounds familiar?) so as to deprive the fire of oxygen (Edmund Lum)

- A solar powered torchlight

- A power-saving exit sign that lights up only when someone is around (Gabriel Goh)

- A self-locking door that locks itself when no one's around and unlocks itself when someone's near (Edmund Lum)

- Pencil lead harder than steel to improve on its fragility (Edmund Lum)

- A water-proof teabag to prevent breakage over long periods of soaking (Edmund Lum)

- A manual powered air conditioner (Glass Cookie)

- A water-sensitive sprinkler (Edmund Lum)

- A auto retractable roof via light and water sensors, hidden in the wall for protection (Edmund Lum)

- An anti-burglary system with the switch and sensor in the same room (Edmund Lum)

- A wooden barbecue pit (Glass Cookie and Edmund Chen)

- An acrylic oil rig and drill bit to save $$$ (Glass Cookie and Edmund Chen)

- A windows based DOS command prompt program (Glass Cookie)

- A wired handphone (Jackson Lum)


Misc
- A birthday breakfast celebration (Glass Cookie and Jackson Lum)

- A domesticated grizzily bear (Glass Cookie, inspired by Amanda Low)