Lost, Season 3 Replay

Well, it's towards the end of my holidays. Although something has been done, nothing much could be said of its achievement. Somehow, being a uni student has become an increasingly intellectual experience because the following subjects:

Electronics and circuits
A*rospace dynamics
Mechanics of materials
Fluid mechanics
Mathematics 3

are very, very, very challenging due to the fact that their subject content actually match these names (and perhaps these were the original subject names for the above-mentioned but changed in order to bring more appeal to mislead people?):

Understanding the Language of the !Kung bushmen
Deciphering of SSL/128-bit encryption
Cryptography and Cryptanalysis
Intepreting encoded signals affected by white noise
Intepreting Hieroglyphic Writings

Thought: Man, I personally feel that walking out of a physical maze with a radius of 1 km is much simpler than understanding anything I'm studying now. ARRRGH! =/

The T43 Interview

Considering that this is the term break, and after all the studying for today (though insignificant in quantity and quality), coupled with the fact that it's quite late at night (or rather, early in the morning)... here I am blogging. Although I intended to blog about some conversation with Nick, somehow the file with its contents are missing. But no matter - such a setback is easily overcome with the night effects and my usual wondering of what my laptop would say in an interview:

Interviewer: Hi Glass Cookie's (GC) laptop! How may I address you?

GC's Laptop: Hi! I'm from the IBM Thinkpad T43 series. Although I sometimes hear my master's complaint about the very next series having a dual-core processor while mine's only a pathetic processor by itself, I'm proud of myself. Hey, I'm processing at 1.86 GHz, ok? That means I process 1.86 billion cycles per second! Could you beat that? Furthermore, I believe that if you were to calculate how many floating-point calculations per second I could perform, which is a more accurate test of my speed...

Interviewer (apparent lost, interrupting): Erm, ok, ok. So, your name is?

GC's Laptop (looking sad): Oh... well... since he never really named me... I don't know. Hey, give me a name! [Looks excitedly at the interviewer]

Interviewer (frowning): Oh, this would be hard. Hmmm... Since you're black in colour, shall it be 'Blackie'?

GC's Laptop: Hey! That's a dog name. No way am I going to be downgraded to that! The life span of a dog is pretty much short to begin with. A computer processor is built to last forever. Well, at least those were the standards of the Pentium 1 to 2 processors. Gone were the days... [mumbles something that sounded like a lament]

Interviewer: Well, I think I'll just stick with 'laptop', since that's what people call you.

GC's Laptop: Hmmm, OK. It's not like I have a choice. Ironically, I work on a table. Why didn't people call me a tabletop?

Interviewer (ignoring the digression): So, laptop, how would you describe your life?

GC's Laptop: My life is pretty simple actually. All day long I process stuff, and run programs. Sometimes viruses too. Those are nasty stuff. I don't mind running anything since I'm built to process stuff. But it's my master's irritation that causes the whole affair to be nasty. Hey, you're not going to tell him any part of this conversation right? You better not. As I'm networked, you can be sure that the very day he knows of this, I will, through the internet, firewalls, proxy servers and all reach you unless you decide never to touch the internet for life and...

Interviewer (intimidated): OK, OK. Don't worry. He wouldn't know. But I believe that you must be proud of being a programmer's laptop right?

GC's Laptop (proudly): Of course! I have programming languages like C/C++, Java, VB, VB.Net on my system, although... well... they are hardly run nowadays. [Produces yet another lamenting sound] Not ever since my master switched over from computer to a*rospace engineering. And you know what happens after that? Now, he plays games and games and more games and my poor buttons are repeatedly pressed. I hate Metal Slug the most. It's those same ole' 8 buttons that are pressed repeatedly. Can't he just use the others once in a while for goodness sake?

Interviewer: Well, do those 8 buttons of yours hurt?

GC's Laptop: Nope. Unlike humans, I do not have nerves. But I'm more concerned about the life span of my buttons. Should any button fail, he might just replace me and off I go to be disassembled. That's tragic!

Interviewer: OK, I get what you mean. So, he games all the time?

GC's Laptop: Well, not exactly. Other than gaming, he reads his notes on me, because he sees no point in printing notes when they could be downloaded through the useful me. Man, could you see what a busy life I lead? Entertain him with games, display his notes, download all kinds of stuff he wants. I work practically over 12 hours a day! I mean, what would he do without me?

Interviewer: Well... he could get another laptop?

GC's Laptop: Oh, that's true. [Looking sad]

[sobbing is heard at one corner of the table]

Interviewer: Hmmm, and who might that be?

Stack of dusty printed notes (SDPN): [sneeze! - from the dust] Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you guys. I'm a printed stack of notes. I'm sorry. I shall remain as a quiet pile. Please continue your interview with the laptop. [sneeze! Sobbing continues, and fades as it suppresses its emotions]

Interviewer (concerned): Oh, don't worry about that. Say, why are you crying?

GC Laptop: Yea, why?

SDPN (timidly, and softly): Well, I... I tried not to get any attention, but upon hearing that... that he uses you (ie. the laptop) for notes, I couldn't help but... but feel sorry for myself. You see, I have been here since the first semester started and no one has read me at all.

Interviewer: Oh, I'm sorry about your sorrowful state. How did that happen?

SDPN: Well, my master figured out that... that he could find what he wanted by using some "control F" thingy on the laptop, whatever that means. So... so... he has no need for me other than... than... rough work. Waaaa [breaks out into wailing]

GC's Laptop: Well, that's true. I AM fast. [Laptop beams in pride]

SDPN: I would like to be alone. Waaaa.... [stops to consider] No. I AM alone. WAAAAAAA...!!!

Interviewer (apparently disturbed, and trying to ignore the wailing): OK. This is getting uncomfortable. OK, last question, since I'm running out of time. If you had a wish, what would that be?

GC's Laptop: Hmmm, if I had a wish, I wish that... hmmm... HMMM... [does some serious processing] Well, I don't know. Hey, I wasn't made with a physical mind of my own. Aha, I got it! I wish I would have a physical mind of my own. And then, I could then do anything I wished, and not be at the mercy of a master who runs me like a slave driver.

Interviewer (recalling an earlier threat, and relieved at the impossibility of that wish): OK. Got it. Thank you for your time. I wish you well.

GC's Laptop: You're welcome. Bye bye!

[Interviewer leaves, with the sound of wailing from the stack of dusty papers fading into the background with each step]

My gosh, I didn't realise this entry was so long. Oh well, this happens when crappiness takes over. Off to sleep before this gets worse...

Minutes Of The SIC Conference Via Satelite

The following is for the benefit of the 3rd SIC member who was not present in the recent SIC conference via satelite:

SIC member 1: The date of the proposed activity has yet to be set. The proposal you have raised will be thoroughly discussed. Presently, I am considering waiving the final consumer product costs for my partners in the SIC in view of my collaboration with the corporate sector.

SIC member 2: Noted. In view of the consideration of the waiver, a member of the SIC conveys his gratitude for the thought. Perhaps the date for the proposed activity could be affirmed in the discussion during the general meeting of the SIC? Also, this friday is the due date for the funds to come in for the recent collaboration wth a musical event. The financial officer will meet up with the respective representatives of the other party to give a closure to this event.

SIC member 1: The new development is certainly promising. Due to the tight schedule and difficulty in gathering all, the general meeting may have to be held online.

SIC member 2: OK. Noted. Please inform the other SIC member of the upcoming wired communiation option due to such timing restrictions, thank you. Or would you prefer to delegate this assignment to a more available member of the SIC?

SIC member 1: Would the more available member schedule the general meeting? I would return to my lodging by 1130 tonight. Please inform me if the general meeting is to be scheduled to another date, thanks.

SIC member 2: Noted. I will inform the other member for a proposed date for the general meeting to confirm the final details of the proposal.

A Phobia Greater Than Phaseolusaureusphobia

Yesterday was the wedding. Everything in the wedding went on pretty smooth. Well, at least most of it was quite smooth. It was until...

[Pastor Colin inviting the couple and some 2 other people to the table to sign some stuff]

Glass Cookie's (GC) thoughts: Hmmm... was I supposed to go up to play? Well, my teacher said nothing. I guess not.

[Couple and witness take their seats, and there was absolute silence. (Although silence is not an action, it is of significance. If you remember an earlier post/personal experience/conversation about silence being a contributing factor in the exam room... yea, you get the idea). About a minute passed.]

My teacher: I think you should go up to play something.

GC's thoughts: WHAT!!!??? My mind has settled on relaxing on the seat and it'll be totally abrupt when I suddenly pop in to play something! I'm NOT prepared!

[GC takes off. Time is slowed down as the song "Chariots of Fire" is being played like in the movies, to describe and emphasise on the speed and effort of the taking off]

[Within a few seconds, GC reaches the keyboard, and starts to stare at the chord sheet of Jordan Hill's "Until The End Of Time" that he charted and practised the night before]

GC's thoughts: Hey, all I see are bar lines and chord numbers which make no sense/meaning to me now.

[Somehow, all faith is lost in all the years of playing by chord numbers for some unknown apparent reason (hey, how could something apparent be unknown? Well, if this was confusing, I guess that explains how unknown and confusing that mysteriously obvious reason was. Hey, did I start another oxymoron again?)]

GC's thoughts: My mind's blank. OK, out of the blankness, summon a song from somewhere. What could it be? Arrrgh, what is that song that's played a million times before? It's... it's... it's... AHA! "A Whole New World". OK, so shall it be. "A Whole New World" in a whole new experience - when your mind is blank =)

[GC starts the medlody with a supporting chord. The next chord, though felt musically, does not come out in chord numbers. It stays as a feeling. In other words, GC knows what is supposed to be played but doesn't know where to hit. Confusing? It's ok. Pick up an instrument and you'll understand.]

GC's thoughts: Hey, it's D major. Where's the 3rd chord (F# Major)? Hmmm... I see repetitive sequences of 5 black keys per octave. Now... which one of the 5? HEY!!! It's ONLY the key of D major! It's supposed to be my favourite key. What's going on?

[GC repeats the melody and gets stuck. Then tries at the melody again, but the chord just doesn't come out. Gives up, and continues the melody without a chord.]

GC's thoughts: Crap. Now, the keyboard looks like a repeating sequence of 12 keys. All chord positions are lost. Hmmm, was I playing in D major? Hey, WHERE is D major? Arrrgh =\ Hmmm... probability of a successful blind guess for its position is 1/12 = 8.333%. Arrrgh, I am so crapped up! Arrrgh, people are listening!!! ARRRGH!!!

[GC's heartbeat increases, with legs starting to go a bit trembly. Mind is getting as blank as ever. It seemed as if a black hole had sucked in all thoughts, including the brain. It's surprising that the skull structure doesn't collapse at the negative pressure of -101250 Pa when its ultimate yield stress is way below that of metals. There is no feeling when GC's hands touch the keys (ie. all touch is lost. Oh, touch is not applicable to keyboards. Rather, the keyboard feels funny. And why is that so? It's simple. Blood supply is cut/slowed/reduced as cold slows down the movement of molecues making up the structures required to form the hand).]

GC's thoughts: Forget it. I shall just play as if I knew it (in terms of positions) although I have no idea exactly if what I thought I know should be what I should know, but at least I know the positions that I think I know that should be pressed would be where I think it would have been.

[The playing continues... frantically, tragically, then ends]

Well, after everything, my teacher told me that it was a HIP new world as the speed was too fast. And just as her friend told her that my playing was good, I hit the wrong chord. Man, this was as bad as the examinations. All the above took place in about 3 minutes, or possibly less. Being on stage, playing solo is definitely a spine (or rather, 'finger') chilling experience. And the phobia - performing =/

IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming

Conclusion: "A Whole New World", played at a whole new experience would end up at a whole new speed.

Chicken Dilemma, With An Overpowering Subconscious

Now, now, you must be wondering why on earth is there another dilemma, and this time, with chickens. First and foremost, to clear up some doubts/initial thoughts/impressions:

- I do not feel anything for chickens, especially none for those that go onto rice, or into curry. In fact, it's their purpose in life, and in fulfilment of their calling - I am for it.

- Nope. I did not see any dead chickens beside some road. How often do you see chickens running all about in a place like Singapore anyway (and hence, how much more a lazy chicken)?

And this is how the story goes... today, I was feeling especially tired, and after my common test, I was drained, but I managed to survive the lecture after that. Then comes an hour break before the next lecture. Since my friend, who was with me for the previous lecture, had to continue his material science lecture at the same LT where I was in, and I was free and lazy to walk to the library to rest, I decided to take a nap in that LT (and no, I didn't lie down along the rows of chairs. The consideration wasn't so much of disrespecting the lecturer then and there, but more of aching joints after that, or wose still - possible paralysis upon falling since I was near the steps). So, I rested my head on the table attached onto the seat I was in (hmmm, sounds duh... where else could I have laid it?)...

Suddenly, I found myself in a place where I had a 20-ml syringe (Yes, I know how exactly a 20-ml syringe should look like. Why? I'm a medic spec with over 20 needle scars on my hand, and with a senior staff nurse for a mum - and again, no, she didn't give me those scars) without the needle. Hey, why a 20-ml syringe? Beats me. Anyway, I heard the noisy sound of machinery, and before me was a machinery with an inlet where I was supposed to syringe out 20-ml of air into it. And guess what? The machine would pump whatever I released from that syringe, which was mainly air, through a tube, and into a chicken! And someone, whom I do not know, be it looks or identity was holding onto the chicken with that tube somehow stuck into it.

Somehow, I knew - don't ask me how I knew. I just knew - that the chicken was supposed to be inflated to be point where it explodes. Now, this must sound really ridiculus to you. But hey, you're not alone. I find it ridiculus too, but back then, it was more of fun. So, my next move was... syringe in more air to inflate the chicken! After some attempts, somehow the chicken didn't reflect the same elasticity of a balloon and it didn't inflate, and so it was replaced with another chicken. Weird. And soon came chicken number 2. This time, the syringing continued and I noticed that the chicken inflated a little, then deflated back each time I syringed (hmmm, a hole somewhere that caused the air to escape?) in air. At least this one had more elasticity. However, not too long after some syringing, I think the chicken couldn't take the fatique/stresses/strains/plastic deformations and I think it died. But when it did, I thought I saw a blood forming a pool at the chicken's mouth. Hey, that did look familiar. Now, where have I seen this before? Hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... [gasp] I know!!! It's a previous dilemma that I encountered (hence, chicken dilemma for the title). Freaky.

The next thing I knew, I awoke, realising it was all a dream. And somehow the lecturer was playing a video on how iron was being cast I think, with all the sound of machinery exactly of that in my dream. Ah, so that's where the sound came from.

Thought: Hmmm, dreams can be really weird. Then again, at least it wasn't a nightmare like the previous one.

An Inspired SMS

Well, some time back, I sent an SMS that was probably one of the crappiest SMSes sent to Joel. As he didn't quite like being alone and asking me repeatedly to join him, I was wondering what kind of a reply to send him. But it so happened that at that point of time, Matthea was beside me (yup, Joel... now you know how my level of crappiness over SMSes to you peaked this time round. But be forewarned. It's not the ultimate yet, as compared to some that I've sent before), a crappy SMS was born:

Joel's SMS (probably a 2nd or 3rd time asking me in a short span of time) - it goes something like:
I'll be bored alone. Come la

My reply (1st half mostly by Matthea, 2nd half continued by me in the earlier style):
From the bottom of my heart, brother to brother... Sincerely, eagerly, regretfully, due to the unfortunate nature of the location of the outing, coupled with the general incompatibility of the activity with the general functionality of my structure, it is with much regret that I have to notify you of my incapability of attendance for this upcoming event.

Well, he didn't ask me anymore after that. Hmmm. I guess the message was effectively conveyed. So, in light of the possibility of history reoccuring, given it's nature of repeatibility, should I send a message with a close familiarity or scarcity of differentiability like the above to anyone, I guess you know who's of close proximity to me. And if none were beside me... it's better not to think about it, haha. This is not my style of language (thus it's individuality), so...

Action: I've saved a copy of this SMS based on a helpful reminder by someone.

Cat Dilemma

Well, it was a saturday night walk from the MRT station back to home after the Miracle service. As I was crossing the road and waiting in the middle for a car to drive past, I was wondering what would happen if I get knocked down by it (don't ask me why I thought that way. I just thought. And nope - I'm not suicidal.). My conclusion was that it would be disastrous - I would be missing playing in M&D. On top of that, Wei would be kinda stressed being unable to contact me and me not appearing in service throughout the whole day. It's funny how thoughts of pain and being hospitalised came only after that initial conclusion.

Anyway, as I walked and looking down from time to time (well, something else that is quirky aout me is that when I walk alone, I have a tendency to stare at the ground, but at an angle lesser than 45 degrees below the horizon. And no, the common belief that I was looking out for money doesn't apply here), I saw a black cat lying on the ground with its mouth open and there was some liquid which I thought resembled saliva, forming a puddle on the road at its mouth. First thought that came across my mind: What a freaking lazy cat, fancy drooling all over the place like that. Since that cat was sleeping (supposedly, and yes, this is a hint of something otherwise) at the road beside that path that I had to take home, coupled with that tendency to looked down, [hmmm, what's the term for a 3-person couple? Sub the past tense of it in here] by a disapproving cat catching my attention, I looked at it again, this time with a better view.

Well, upon a closer look, the cat was actually dead. The previous disapproving and comical scene of a lazy cat (like Garfield) was immediately corrected. There seemed to be a huge mess of its fur at its belly - apparently run over by a car. But then again, after some thought, it must be a really lazy cat sleeping under some tyres to be run over at its belly, right? Hmmm... also, the above statement about a sleeping cat in the previous paragraph would also be appropriate as it was, well, put to 'sleep' by a car. [Up till now, you would be probably wondering what "Cat Dilemma" I was talking/typing/whatever about, but hey, read on for the explanation.] After walking a few steps ahead of the dead cat, I actually felt sorry for the cat. Hmmm... this is weird. I don't like cats. I'm sorry (OK, confession: I'm not) to all the cat lovers out there, but I can't see anything likeable for a certain attitude-problem species of animals who only respond to you when they feel like it. Well, at least terrapins respond to you all the time, be it 'begging' for food, or behaving super freaked out.

On my way home today from church, at that same road, the 'sleeping' cat is still there just that it looked shrunk. Oh, this is my first in my life time seeing a dead cat, just in case you're wondering why on earth I was blogging about some dead cat. Well, it's not like a home-bound/indoor/whatever-similar-terms-in-a-thesaurus person like me would be out often enough to see dead cats. And it's not like I go around looking for dead things to look at to begin with =)

Thought: I'm still wondering why I felt pity for that dead cat last night.

An Overpowering Subconscious

Yesterday morning, my subconscious has displayed its prowess in the art of crappiness against my conscious. Well, this was what had taken place:

I was supposed to wake up at 8:50 a.m. for a lesson coming up at 930. And since I didn't need 40 minutes to prepare and to reach the location, I decided to snooze another ten minutes (by the way, each snooze is ten minutes on my HP, and yes, my HP is my alarm clock) when the alarm clock rang. And so, I snoozed. Somehow, when the next alarm came, I saw my handphone and noticed that it was only 5 minutes (a suspicion instantaneously ignored) since the previous alarm - 8:55 a.m. How nice =) Maybe snoozing another ten minutes till 9:05 wouldn't be too late. And then it goes on like this:

[alarm rings]

Hey! It's 8 something. Funny that my clock reflects 8:50 something. That's so cool. Was I dreaming? (Thought: Hehe, snooze, snooze, snooze...) And so, I snoozed.

[alarm rings]

I rubbed my eyes, and looked at the clock. Oh, nice. It's only 9:00 a.m. I think I can snooze again. I'm sooo tired. Off to sleep for ten more minutes (Yep, somehow, the z-monster has an upper hand in overpowering me as I battle it every morning).

[alarm rings]

Huh? It's still early 9 plus on the clock. Ah, who cares? Snooze another ten minutes (Of course by now, there was a suspicion about something amiss, but that was gone in a split second as the z-monster did its 1-hit KO finishing move on me) since it's still early.

[alarm rings]

This time, I really woke up, only to realise that something had gone wrong... very, very wrong: all of the above was partially a dream. The snoozing was a reality, but the rest were not. Time on the real clock: 9:40 a.m. ARRRGH, I'm ten minutes late for lecture!!! And off I went/panicked/rushed...

If you thought that was all (or rather, "just as I thought that was all"), you're probably quite mistaken. The best part was, somewhere during those 10 minute snoozes, there came a scene in my dream where the teacher wrote on a blackboard (now, I have no idea how we ended up prehistoric to such a stage, but, yep... read on) using a dark brown chalk and I had difficulty reading. Well, it is bizarre, but I remember at that point of time, thoughts flashed through my mind: "Oh crap, don't tell me my eyesight has increased in its degree???!!!" ... "Oh no, do I need a new pair of specs?" ...

Of course, that would be pretty dumb since dark brown chalk IS quite invisible on a blackboard, but somehow, it was a reflection of my chain of thoughts about my eyesight (Well, maybe you'll find me weird, but then again, I believe everyone would have a little bit of quirkiness within them, right?). Anyway, this how it was related: Recently, I realised my eyesight may have a low possibility (Self-denial? I don't think so.) that the degree has gone up. And somehow, I was weighing all the pros and cons about changing specs and I wasn't inclined to do so for the past week.

Pros/Reasons for
- It may be a nice change of specs after sticking to my current for about 2-3 years.
- My sis would stop bugging me to change my specs since she didn't like it (hmmm, quirkiness on my sis' part?).
- I can finally see buses from a long distance without having to ask anyone nearby.
- I could at least see clearly in lectures and tutorials from the back row.
- My anti-piano specs shall no longer portray any keyboard as curved at the proper height.

Cons/Reasons against
- I want to believe that my eyesight couldn't well have deteoriated, since they were nicely settled at 175 degrees each for quite some time.
- I want to believe that my eyes, being well-trained, is immune to long hours on the computer.
- It costs money.
- I don't have time to get it (ok, this is just a lame excuse to support all other statements in this list).
- My new specs may be anti-piano at a higher degree than my current one (Yup, refer to the above bracketed statement. No benefit of doubt given).
- I don't want to change specs to support the first statement (Sounds duh? Well, since I do not want it, it's a valid point, right?).

Oh crap, I just realised that I told myself to sleep early today lest history should repeat itself again within the span of a day. OK, off to sleep now... Oh, and if you felt that you didn't quite understand anything in this entry, fret not. Incoherence and/or crappiness kicks in, especially at a time like 2:18 a.m. in the morning

Conclusion: A crappy dream from the subconscious is more of a nightmare than a dream at crucial times.

I PASSED GRADE 8!!!

Well, I passed my grade 8. And as I've stated in my earlier blog entry, I'd like to thank God, and my piano teacher =)

Now, you must be wondering what my score was. Don't worry, I'm not my piano teacher, so I shall not play suspense games with anyone. Hmmm, then again, it's not like anyone is as anxious and bothered about knowing my results anyway. Arrrgh, to cut the crap, well, it was 104/150. Yes, merely passed by 4 marks. But hey, I know that I would definitely do better if not for stage-frights (Maybe it should be renamed as a music-studio-fright since there isn't a stage to begin with, but then again, maybe it should just be renamed as examiner-fright, or observer-fright. Aiya, after so much changes, I guess performance-fright's most suitable. And... IdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming... etc). Well, if you thought that stage/music studio/examiner/observer/performance-fright was an excuse for doing badly, here's the evidence:

Exam Piece A3
[blah blah blah] ... greater composure is needed here too... [blah blah blah] ... it settled ... [blah blah blah]

Exam Piece B2
[blah blah blah] ... you must maintain composure ... [blah blah blah]

Exam Piece C2
[blah blah blah] ... a little anxiety around the climax ... [blah blah blah]

Scales & Arpeggios
[blah blah blah] ... frantic opening ... [blah blah blah] ... you were somewhat anxious here, staccato tests especially need care and composure ... [blah blah blah] ... they never really settled and relaxed ... [blah blah blah]

Sight Reading
[blah blah blah] ... you found this a real challenge ... [blah blah blah] ... and it really never settled sadly.

My (ie. glass cookie) say: Well, for a sight reading piece that looked and sounded (yes, I know it should sound classical. Don't ask me how - it's too much explanation. Just take it as I just know it from the start) classical, and somehow replayed as a modern piece, wouldn't anyone find this a great feat (and hence a real challenge)?

It was so OBVIOUS that the examiner included certain words that are probably grouped together in a thesaurus. Well, just thinking of any past performance or those in time to come would easily cause me to feel the jitters already.

Additional comments of my result slip (well, this would be the saving grace of everything)
Although the playing was not always technically secure, it always had a musical feel to it and this is what got your award today

And of course, out of all these...

- The examiner would not be condemned. This saves me a confession to the Lord, and some saliva (not that I really cared about saliva though).

- An assurance from the Lord is an assurance from the Lord. Don't get confused about getting confused about assurances =)

- Still, I seriously doubt I'll ever pursue anything classical again.

- I do not see the need to go berserk and practice anything to prove anything to myself, anymore.

- The ABRSM grade 8 examinations shall no longer be a sore point in my life, ever.

Well, that marks the end of my piano grade 8 exam results.

Thought: Still, for the upcoming practices (aka performances), IdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming... etc.

I DISLIKE Performing

Well, someone could identify this with me, and someone else knows (I guess) she's directly involved in this, because here I am ranting on my blog that:

IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMING
IDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMING
IDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMING
IDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMING
IDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMING
IDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMING
IDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMING
IDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMINGIDISLIKEPERFORMING
.(Fullstop)

Lost, Season 3

ARRRGH!!! I'm going nuts/crazy/bonkers/mad/into fits/whatever-you-call-it!!! As of now, I have no idea what's going on in a lot of my modules for my 3rd semester in uni. Simply put (or rather, not so simply, if this picture was the first thing that your eye caught), I'm somewhere...

Oh, this is just great. Where am I in the first place? I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel, only ramming into walls of all sorts in the dark. God help me... =
Thought: Hey, I finally see a light in the tunnel! Wait... is that the sound of a train that I hear?

Irritating Suspense

Hmmm, my piano teacher came back from her trip, and having my piano results in her hand, she refuses to tell me. All that I know is that:

- She is disappointed with my results
- My 2nd piece (being the longest piece) scored the lowest
- She thinks (yep. You didn't read wrongly. Puzzles me as much as you are puzzled, if you are.) the examiner didn't fail my 2nd piece
- She doesn't know if I failed (erm, refer to the above bracketed statement)

And as of now, I'm wondering and wondering how exactly on earth did I do for my piano exam (yes yes, my dear piano teacher has achieved her much desired effects of putting myself in her kind of shoes of suspense. But hey, did I not wait as long as she did for the piano results?). Of course, out of all the wondering, there should be conclusion of some sort. So, this is what I've decided:

If I passed: I'll thank the Lord, and my piano teacher =)

If I Failed (Yes, this is a list of items...)
- I'll be condemning the examiner who tested me, since it's an evil thing he did. But I'll forgive him, and that's after condemning him. OK, maybe I wouldn't condemn him. We'll (erm, come to think about it, it's "I'll") see about it.

- I'll learn a lesson never to bank on assurances in my heart, at least not for piano examinations. But I had a similar assurance for my hall application. How did I get stuff mixed up?

- I'll never take up piano again (classical stuff, that is). This is definite. But considering this, it's not like I'm going to pursue anything classical anymore.

- On top of it all, I'll go berserk and practice my piano like crap to prove to the whole world I can play other stuff better than most people who stop at grade 8. Yup. That's rebellion within me, that's usually felt and not acted upon (and especially felt with my history with piano examinations.). But this time I'll really act it out. And I mean it. But currently, this is just a thought. If the result is a fail, it may activate this thought. Thus (and again), I'll see about it (Hmmm, so much for meaning it.).

- The ABRSM grade 8 examinations would be a sore point for the rest my life. I saw such a posisbility in all my wondering.

- I figured I will be wondering about my results until I see my teacher for some song practice (ie. the super weird arrangement [upgraded]).

- I also figured I may be able to sleep well in the days ahead, but I'm not too sure about tonight.

Thought: How did I do for my piano exam? TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME (x 100^100^100)

30 Questions =)

Well, I came across this while reading someone's blog, and since I'm feeling a little crappy from my monday blues (or monday exasperations), here it is:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I look sleepy. Hey, I AM sleepy!

2. When is the next time you will have sex?
Never had. If I ever get married, I guess that'll be the time. Duh?

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR"?
"Bore"? Hmmm... is this question indicative of the IQ/English standard of the question setter?

4. Favorite planet?
Well, it's not like I've visited any other planet other than planet Earth, so I guess it'll have to be planet Earth for now.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile?
Can't remember, can't be bothered to check.

6. What is your favorite ringtone on your phone?
Never really bothered with setting a favourite ringtone, since it doesn't support mp3. And, refer to the above answer =)

7. What kinda shirt you have on?
A light blue bossini shirt

8. Describe yourself in one phrase.
Hmmm, there are too many things about me that can be easily described in a phrase, and as such, this question is invalid.

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
Timberland

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Bright, although I've yet to replace the blown bulb in my room. So, relative to time, it was a bright room.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
What do I think "of" or what do I think "about"? Since the question stated "about"... Actually, I did not think about the person before me.

12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?
Well, my room has two beds. I sleep on my own bed, duh? If you're refering to a room where I get to choose, it'll be the one that gives me the greatest sense of security, hee.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Hmmm, crapping with Matthea?

14. What did your last text message say that you received on your mobile?
Kindly move your mouse pointer to the scroll bar (if required), and scroll up to the answer to question 5.

15. Where is your letter box?
Erm, outside my home? It can't possibly be in my bedroom right?

16. What's a word that you say a lot?
Actually, I don't quite know. There are quite a lot of words I use often though: "you", "me", "he", "she", "it", "that", "is"... etc.

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
Hmmm... the last person who told me he/she loved me, or do you mean I'm bottom of a love list?
Former: God =)
Latter: Not that I know of.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
I don't think I have a furry thing to touch. Terrapins are not furry either (hmmm, sounds out of point).

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
If laughter is the best medicine, it'll be Audrey and Matthea in the last 3 days.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
I don't develop film. I store pictures in my computer. =) Hmmm, I'm starting to wonder if this question set is over 5 years old...

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
Any age before I had homework to deal with.

22. Your worst enemy?
The devil.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
The default IBM laptop's desktop pic.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?”
That's obvious: "Bye bye!"

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly?
Well, I would choose $1,000,000, and get an air ticket and fly properly (why get caught and be cut up by scientists for human flight studies?) =) Who knows, I might even get a discount for being in the a*rospace industry! Idea...

26. Do you like someone?
Erm... since I'm trying not to like someone... I'm not too sure, haha.

27. The last song you listened to?
Hillsong - Your Unfailing Love

28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet?
Erm, nope. I'll either grab him/her and run, or attack the gunner =)

29. If you could punch one person in the face who would it be?
I'm not violent. I'm not stupid either, to get sued and all. It's a messy business.

30. What is the closest object to your left foot?
Well, that would be the charger required for this laptop. How else do I blog? =)

HIM, and me =)

If you're reading my blog to destress on some funny/crappy/whatever article, this is probably not one, because, well, it's not crappy. Anyway, here it goes:

There Is None Like You
There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long and find
There is none like You

Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes from Your hands
Suffering children are safe in Your arms
There is none like You

Well, if you know this song, I guess you would probably just glance through it, or skip it. (Don't worry, I do the same when I see songs that I know, or songs that I'm not too interested in. You're not supposed to feel guilty). =) But when the Lord touches my heart, somehow no song/phrase seemed to describe it better than this song. And that's what He did today, in the stillness of my heart although it was at a bus stop at a busy road. =) I guess this kind of feeling isn't something very well understood unless one has experienced it before. I'm not too sure what the occasion was since it wasn't some miracle service, revival or retreat or anything, but He touched my heart nonetheless, when I suddenly thought Him (yep, just Him, nothing else. Nothing about His works, blessings, splendor, glory... etc.) in my random thoughts. Somehow, He seemed to tell me that He's always waiting there to be there for me, if I would just consider/think of him. There is none like Him. No one else could touch my heart like He does. =)

Also, I had a conversation with Audrey and Eleanor (it was really nice chatting with you, really) during this weekend. You must be wondering what was so great about the conversations. Nothing much actually, other than a lot of laughs with Audrey. But then, I also realised that it has been some time since I had a nice conversation with anyone these weeks, which was kind of sad. Well, there is a sharp contrast between normal talking in school and a conversation. I would term the former as "data transfer". Here is an example of it:

"How's life"
"It's OK, other than I'm lagging in my tutorials."
"Oh, where is the next tutorial?"
"LT 1A"
"Oh, ok. 1230 right?"
"Yup"
"Could tutorial 4 of physics of fluids be done?"
"Nope"
"Hmmm, same here."
"By the way, are you going to the social later on?"
"Yup. You?"

The list goes on and on. Prehaps Joel was right about the university being a lonely life/place. My circle of friends seemed to have shrunk. Prehaps dropping of the sunday cell was a mistake, but my timetable just couldn't support anything else. But then again, I guess it's OK since my introverted (does this shock you? Haha. Don't think too much about it.) self could easily live with that and more importantly, I have the Lord there for me, anyday, anytime, anywhere. Well, at least I did enjoy a decent conversation this weekend. =)

Prehaps this blog entry (other than the encrypted articles) would be closest to who/what I truly am by far. I'm not too sure what kind of impression this crappy blog has created of me though. A joker? An extremely bored person? Hmmm... Anyway, sorry for boring any readers.