A Cookie's Life

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Sunday, September 24, 2006

A Phobia Greater Than Phaseolusaureusphobia

Yesterday was the wedding. Everything in the wedding went on pretty smooth. Well, at least most of it was quite smooth. It was until...

[Pastor Colin inviting the couple and some 2 other people to the table to sign some stuff]

Glass Cookie's (GC) thoughts: Hmmm... was I supposed to go up to play? Well, my teacher said nothing. I guess not.

[Couple and witness take their seats, and there was absolute silence. (Although silence is not an action, it is of significance. If you remember an earlier post/personal experience/conversation about silence being a contributing factor in the exam room... yea, you get the idea). About a minute passed.]

My teacher: I think you should go up to play something.

GC's thoughts: WHAT!!!??? My mind has settled on relaxing on the seat and it'll be totally abrupt when I suddenly pop in to play something! I'm NOT prepared!

[GC takes off. Time is slowed down as the song "Chariots of Fire" is being played like in the movies, to describe and emphasise on the speed and effort of the taking off]

[Within a few seconds, GC reaches the keyboard, and starts to stare at the chord sheet of Jordan Hill's "Until The End Of Time" that he charted and practised the night before]

GC's thoughts: Hey, all I see are bar lines and chord numbers which make no sense/meaning to me now.

[Somehow, all faith is lost in all the years of playing by chord numbers for some unknown apparent reason (hey, how could something apparent be unknown? Well, if this was confusing, I guess that explains how unknown and confusing that mysteriously obvious reason was. Hey, did I start another oxymoron again?)]

GC's thoughts: My mind's blank. OK, out of the blankness, summon a song from somewhere. What could it be? Arrrgh, what is that song that's played a million times before? It's... it's... it's... AHA! "A Whole New World". OK, so shall it be. "A Whole New World" in a whole new experience - when your mind is blank =)

[GC starts the medlody with a supporting chord. The next chord, though felt musically, does not come out in chord numbers. It stays as a feeling. In other words, GC knows what is supposed to be played but doesn't know where to hit. Confusing? It's ok. Pick up an instrument and you'll understand.]

GC's thoughts: Hey, it's D major. Where's the 3rd chord (F# Major)? Hmmm... I see repetitive sequences of 5 black keys per octave. Now... which one of the 5? HEY!!! It's ONLY the key of D major! It's supposed to be my favourite key. What's going on?

[GC repeats the melody and gets stuck. Then tries at the melody again, but the chord just doesn't come out. Gives up, and continues the melody without a chord.]

GC's thoughts: Crap. Now, the keyboard looks like a repeating sequence of 12 keys. All chord positions are lost. Hmmm, was I playing in D major? Hey, WHERE is D major? Arrrgh =\ Hmmm... probability of a successful blind guess for its position is 1/12 = 8.333%. Arrrgh, I am so crapped up! Arrrgh, people are listening!!! ARRRGH!!!

[GC's heartbeat increases, with legs starting to go a bit trembly. Mind is getting as blank as ever. It seemed as if a black hole had sucked in all thoughts, including the brain. It's surprising that the skull structure doesn't collapse at the negative pressure of -101250 Pa when its ultimate yield stress is way below that of metals. There is no feeling when GC's hands touch the keys (ie. all touch is lost. Oh, touch is not applicable to keyboards. Rather, the keyboard feels funny. And why is that so? It's simple. Blood supply is cut/slowed/reduced as cold slows down the movement of molecues making up the structures required to form the hand).]

GC's thoughts: Forget it. I shall just play as if I knew it (in terms of positions) although I have no idea exactly if what I thought I know should be what I should know, but at least I know the positions that I think I know that should be pressed would be where I think it would have been.

[The playing continues... frantically, tragically, then ends]

Well, after everything, my teacher told me that it was a HIP new world as the speed was too fast. And just as her friend told her that my playing was good, I hit the wrong chord. Man, this was as bad as the examinations. All the above took place in about 3 minutes, or possibly less. Being on stage, playing solo is definitely a spine (or rather, 'finger') chilling experience. And the phobia - performing =/

IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming

Conclusion: "A Whole New World", played at a whole new experience would end up at a whole new speed.

posted by Glass Cookie @ 9:23 PM 



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List Of My All-Time Big Stunts In M&D

30 Jul 2006 - When Silence Is Golden 2
It's funny how history repeats itself in a different form. This time, I minimised the volume of the keyboard to zero to try out a new song "I believe in miracles". And for yet (again, miraculously, ironically) another bizarre reason that I know not of, I actually turned the volume up WITHOUT knowing - and CONTINUED practising. Somehow the amplifiers were turned off by the sound guys (probably a safety measure against stuntmen like me?) until they could finally silence it no more and suddenly, out of the nowhere (oh, sorry, that would be the keyboard) came a loud note that penetrated the silence. I jerked in shock (very obviously). And yes, once again it's during the announcement time when silence is definitely golden.



04 Jun 2006 - Time and Congregation Waits For No Man
It was another faithful day in church, playing the keyboard for morning service, 9 and 11 a.m. After the 2nd service praise & worship session, it so happened that no one else could make it for the closing song. Well, since I was pretty free, I was asked to play it. So, I went down, charted out the chords, practised the piece in the tabernacle. On my way up the stairs, the first thought in my mind was: "Hey, it's so crowded. I need to get up the stairs. Now, how do I queeeeeze my way through?". The second thought in my mind was: "Hey, why is there a crowd coming down at this time? ... ... ... NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Man, time passes fast when you're practising the piano in church, and painstakingly slowly when it comes to exam pieces.



[No date] When Silence Is Golden
It was during the announcement, when pastor was giving out announcements before the offering song. Silence was observed as the pastor spoke. I retracted my hand from the score folder beyond the keyboard. For some amazing reason, my hand retraction path headed for the keys of the keyboard. And since the word 'fast' to describe the retraction rate was an understatement (for yet another reason I know not of)... you know the rest of the story.



[No Date] When Silence Is... Anything But Golden
Hmmm... once the amplifier on my side was switched off for some reason during praise & worship. And for some other reason that I know not of, I thought that the keyboard sound couldn't be heard. So, I tried pressing some keys. Didn't hear anything - drums were too loud. I proceeded to bang some keys repeatedly until... hmmm... I thought I heard something. Oh oh... ONLY my amplifier was turned off. (Note: Instrument: Brass sect 1, volume - max.)




List Of Other Small Stunts/Experiences In M&D

Fastest Fingers First
As a keyboardist, one usually comes into contact with different instruments within the same piece. It usually varies from strings, brass, violin to organ sounds. The funny thing is that sometimes, it is possible that your mind suddenly goes blank, and when the next instrument is required, I go "Oh no, what's the number combination for brass???!!! Wait wait wait wait...". And as usual, time and tide waits for no man. No. More accurately, a drummer waits for no number-fumbling keyboardist. Yea, that's the description man. Solution (ok, this is not a solution but an undesired consequence): Play a brass part with strings, or an organ part with brass, or none at all.



Cold Fingers
Usually, the atmosphere in the sanctuary is very cold to me. Sometimes, the atmosphere in the sanctuary is deep-freeze cold. Under cold or colder conditions, the fingers may or will harden and lose its dexterity. Then again, stuff could still be played, however stiff the fingers may be (with diminishing quality). Solution? Rub them while resting, or else, take off one playing hand and rub it vigorously without catching too much attention. I mean, what else can i do? I remove both hands when I need them ON they keyboard!!! Oh, I missed out that hand-clapping would be a sure kill to whatever heat you may have desperately tried to generate.



Record Breaker
Well, each week CD-RWs and envelopes used to contain the scores passed to musicians would be recycled. They are returned back to the musician's basket in the metal cabinet so that they can be used again. Of course, each time a person would return his/her envelope and CD used the previous week. Well, just somewhere in the 3rd week of June 2006 I returned a record holding of (prehaps of all-time in Lighthouse Evangelism's 16 years of establishment) of 9 envelopes with 3 missing somewhere at home. Oh well, you can't really blame me cause for the first time in my life, I saw the word "envelope" in the sms reminder about recycling. Or at least I would like to think so, about my first time noticing that word (fingers crossed).



Stubborn Pedal
Do you have any idea what it is like to have a pedal refusing to budge when moved with your feet, only to exceed its ideal position when you decide to set your adjusting strength to "brutal level". At that kind of rate, it just never gets to the position that you want it to be. Last resort: Bend down and move it with your hand just before the drummer starts his 4-beat intro to the next song.



Moving Pedal
Amazingly, although the pedal refuses to budge when you want it to, somehow it also refuses to stay in the spot when you want it to. And the more you pedal, the further it gets away from you no matter how you position your foot. And in extreme cases you may find yourself almost starting to slouch or slip from your seat, not that the keyboardist seat is any immobile than the pedal to begin with. Solution: Try to kick it back (this is the time when the above experience suddenly comes in again). Just what's with the pedal, I wonder?



Confession...
Take a look at the following score:

=)

Well, since strings sound somewhat soft, and somewhat muffled such that demisemiquavers are not to distinct, and considering it does take up time and there are 5 other pieces to go, and considering this is but 2 bars in a 100 bar piece, and considering blah blah blah... sometimes I play just a note. (OK, most of the time, happy?) Hey, I'm not the only keyboardist around guilty right? Someone tell me I'm not the only one... pleeeese....



Lame Invention List + Misc

Inventions
- Metal-coated tea bag to help with the sinking (Edmund Lum)

- Sound-powered telephone (Edmund Lum)

- Sound-powered telephone (Edmund Lum)

- Plug-in phones for plugging into a payphone to call - unable to recieve call. However, 10 cents will still be needed and you pay your monthly phone bills as usual (Edmund Lum)

- A clean dirt-free rubbish chute (Edmund Lum)

- A touchpad keyboard similar to the touchpad on a laptop, with letters on it (Edmund Lum)

- USB-portable touchpad (Edmund Lum)

- A square CD for better storage (Edmund Lum)

- Battery-powered book (Edmund Lum)

- Disposable dustbins (Edmund Lum)

- A "short circuit" switch that help save electricity when there is nobody at home (Edmund Lum)

- A white/black highlighter (Edmund Lum)

- Safety deposit box made of pure diamond for hardness. It is transparent to allow better visual of objects within it (Edmund Lum)

- An optic mouse combined with a decorated ball placed inside like an old-school mouse to allow any surface usage (Edmund Lum)

- DIY handphone to cut cost (Edmund Lum)

- A plastic knife - no rusting and it is lighter (Edmund Lum)

- Quick dry glue, only 0.2 sec of dry time (Edmund Lum)

- Doorless toliet for faster access (Edmund Lum)

- A pen with wider pen hole to prevent that all-time infamous ink jam (Edmund Lum)

- A 5-mm thick paper to prevent paper cut (Edmund Lum)

- Water-proof toilet paper to prevent wetting the entire roll when dropped on a wet floor, or easy breakage (Edmund Lum)

- A thermal panel powered heater (Edmund Lum)

- A faq list for patients who do not want to reply to any visitors (Edmund Lum & Glass Cookie)

- A deodorant that puts people off (Mustard seed)

- An umbrella with a wire connection (to attract lightning) that's earthed (Edmund Lum)

- An earthquake detector that sounds when there's an earthquake (Edmund Lum)

- A water sensor at the shoreline to detect an approaching tsunami (Edmund Lum)

- A energy-saving fridge that switches itself on via a smell senser specially for detecting certain rotting smells (Edmund Lum)

- A fire extinguishing bomb that creates a huge area of vacuum (sounds familiar?) so as to deprive the fire of oxygen (Edmund Lum)

- A solar powered torchlight

- A power-saving exit sign that lights up only when someone is around (Gabriel Goh)

- A self-locking door that locks itself when no one's around and unlocks itself when someone's near (Edmund Lum)

- Pencil lead harder than steel to improve on its fragility (Edmund Lum)

- A water-proof teabag to prevent breakage over long periods of soaking (Edmund Lum)

- A manual powered air conditioner (Glass Cookie)

- A water-sensitive sprinkler (Edmund Lum)

- A auto retractable roof via light and water sensors, hidden in the wall for protection (Edmund Lum)

- An anti-burglary system with the switch and sensor in the same room (Edmund Lum)

- A wooden barbecue pit (Glass Cookie and Edmund Chen)

- An acrylic oil rig and drill bit to save $$$ (Glass Cookie and Edmund Chen)

- A windows based DOS command prompt program (Glass Cookie)

- A wired handphone (Jackson Lum)


Misc
- A birthday breakfast celebration (Glass Cookie and Jackson Lum)

- A domesticated grizzily bear (Glass Cookie, inspired by Amanda Low)