A Cookie's Life

Warning: This is mostly a crappy blog. Crappers and crap-accepting folks alike: Welcome! To all others: Warning. Danger! Keep Out! Read On At Your Own Risk! The author shall by no means be liable for any damage caused directly or indirectly, implicitly or explicitly as a result of the reading of the contents of this blog.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The T43 Interview

Considering that this is the term break, and after all the studying for today (though insignificant in quantity and quality), coupled with the fact that it's quite late at night (or rather, early in the morning)... here I am blogging. Although I intended to blog about some conversation with Nick, somehow the file with its contents are missing. But no matter - such a setback is easily overcome with the night effects and my usual wondering of what my laptop would say in an interview:

Interviewer: Hi Glass Cookie's (GC) laptop! How may I address you?

GC's Laptop: Hi! I'm from the IBM Thinkpad T43 series. Although I sometimes hear my master's complaint about the very next series having a dual-core processor while mine's only a pathetic processor by itself, I'm proud of myself. Hey, I'm processing at 1.86 GHz, ok? That means I process 1.86 billion cycles per second! Could you beat that? Furthermore, I believe that if you were to calculate how many floating-point calculations per second I could perform, which is a more accurate test of my speed...

Interviewer (apparent lost, interrupting): Erm, ok, ok. So, your name is?

GC's Laptop (looking sad): Oh... well... since he never really named me... I don't know. Hey, give me a name! [Looks excitedly at the interviewer]

Interviewer (frowning): Oh, this would be hard. Hmmm... Since you're black in colour, shall it be 'Blackie'?

GC's Laptop: Hey! That's a dog name. No way am I going to be downgraded to that! The life span of a dog is pretty much short to begin with. A computer processor is built to last forever. Well, at least those were the standards of the Pentium 1 to 2 processors. Gone were the days... [mumbles something that sounded like a lament]

Interviewer: Well, I think I'll just stick with 'laptop', since that's what people call you.

GC's Laptop: Hmmm, OK. It's not like I have a choice. Ironically, I work on a table. Why didn't people call me a tabletop?

Interviewer (ignoring the digression): So, laptop, how would you describe your life?

GC's Laptop: My life is pretty simple actually. All day long I process stuff, and run programs. Sometimes viruses too. Those are nasty stuff. I don't mind running anything since I'm built to process stuff. But it's my master's irritation that causes the whole affair to be nasty. Hey, you're not going to tell him any part of this conversation right? You better not. As I'm networked, you can be sure that the very day he knows of this, I will, through the internet, firewalls, proxy servers and all reach you unless you decide never to touch the internet for life and...

Interviewer (intimidated): OK, OK. Don't worry. He wouldn't know. But I believe that you must be proud of being a programmer's laptop right?

GC's Laptop (proudly): Of course! I have programming languages like C/C++, Java, VB, VB.Net on my system, although... well... they are hardly run nowadays. [Produces yet another lamenting sound] Not ever since my master switched over from computer to a*rospace engineering. And you know what happens after that? Now, he plays games and games and more games and my poor buttons are repeatedly pressed. I hate Metal Slug the most. It's those same ole' 8 buttons that are pressed repeatedly. Can't he just use the others once in a while for goodness sake?

Interviewer: Well, do those 8 buttons of yours hurt?

GC's Laptop: Nope. Unlike humans, I do not have nerves. But I'm more concerned about the life span of my buttons. Should any button fail, he might just replace me and off I go to be disassembled. That's tragic!

Interviewer: OK, I get what you mean. So, he games all the time?

GC's Laptop: Well, not exactly. Other than gaming, he reads his notes on me, because he sees no point in printing notes when they could be downloaded through the useful me. Man, could you see what a busy life I lead? Entertain him with games, display his notes, download all kinds of stuff he wants. I work practically over 12 hours a day! I mean, what would he do without me?

Interviewer: Well... he could get another laptop?

GC's Laptop: Oh, that's true. [Looking sad]

[sobbing is heard at one corner of the table]

Interviewer: Hmmm, and who might that be?

Stack of dusty printed notes (SDPN): [sneeze! - from the dust] Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you guys. I'm a printed stack of notes. I'm sorry. I shall remain as a quiet pile. Please continue your interview with the laptop. [sneeze! Sobbing continues, and fades as it suppresses its emotions]

Interviewer (concerned): Oh, don't worry about that. Say, why are you crying?

GC Laptop: Yea, why?

SDPN (timidly, and softly): Well, I... I tried not to get any attention, but upon hearing that... that he uses you (ie. the laptop) for notes, I couldn't help but... but feel sorry for myself. You see, I have been here since the first semester started and no one has read me at all.

Interviewer: Oh, I'm sorry about your sorrowful state. How did that happen?

SDPN: Well, my master figured out that... that he could find what he wanted by using some "control F" thingy on the laptop, whatever that means. So... so... he has no need for me other than... than... rough work. Waaaa [breaks out into wailing]

GC's Laptop: Well, that's true. I AM fast. [Laptop beams in pride]

SDPN: I would like to be alone. Waaaa.... [stops to consider] No. I AM alone. WAAAAAAA...!!!

Interviewer (apparently disturbed, and trying to ignore the wailing): OK. This is getting uncomfortable. OK, last question, since I'm running out of time. If you had a wish, what would that be?

GC's Laptop: Hmmm, if I had a wish, I wish that... hmmm... HMMM... [does some serious processing] Well, I don't know. Hey, I wasn't made with a physical mind of my own. Aha, I got it! I wish I would have a physical mind of my own. And then, I could then do anything I wished, and not be at the mercy of a master who runs me like a slave driver.

Interviewer (recalling an earlier threat, and relieved at the impossibility of that wish): OK. Got it. Thank you for your time. I wish you well.

GC's Laptop: You're welcome. Bye bye!

[Interviewer leaves, with the sound of wailing from the stack of dusty papers fading into the background with each step]

My gosh, I didn't realise this entry was so long. Oh well, this happens when crappiness takes over. Off to sleep before this gets worse...

posted by Glass Cookie @ 3:25 AM 



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List Of My All-Time Big Stunts In M&D

30 Jul 2006 - When Silence Is Golden 2
It's funny how history repeats itself in a different form. This time, I minimised the volume of the keyboard to zero to try out a new song "I believe in miracles". And for yet (again, miraculously, ironically) another bizarre reason that I know not of, I actually turned the volume up WITHOUT knowing - and CONTINUED practising. Somehow the amplifiers were turned off by the sound guys (probably a safety measure against stuntmen like me?) until they could finally silence it no more and suddenly, out of the nowhere (oh, sorry, that would be the keyboard) came a loud note that penetrated the silence. I jerked in shock (very obviously). And yes, once again it's during the announcement time when silence is definitely golden.



04 Jun 2006 - Time and Congregation Waits For No Man
It was another faithful day in church, playing the keyboard for morning service, 9 and 11 a.m. After the 2nd service praise & worship session, it so happened that no one else could make it for the closing song. Well, since I was pretty free, I was asked to play it. So, I went down, charted out the chords, practised the piece in the tabernacle. On my way up the stairs, the first thought in my mind was: "Hey, it's so crowded. I need to get up the stairs. Now, how do I queeeeeze my way through?". The second thought in my mind was: "Hey, why is there a crowd coming down at this time? ... ... ... NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Man, time passes fast when you're practising the piano in church, and painstakingly slowly when it comes to exam pieces.



[No date] When Silence Is Golden
It was during the announcement, when pastor was giving out announcements before the offering song. Silence was observed as the pastor spoke. I retracted my hand from the score folder beyond the keyboard. For some amazing reason, my hand retraction path headed for the keys of the keyboard. And since the word 'fast' to describe the retraction rate was an understatement (for yet another reason I know not of)... you know the rest of the story.



[No Date] When Silence Is... Anything But Golden
Hmmm... once the amplifier on my side was switched off for some reason during praise & worship. And for some other reason that I know not of, I thought that the keyboard sound couldn't be heard. So, I tried pressing some keys. Didn't hear anything - drums were too loud. I proceeded to bang some keys repeatedly until... hmmm... I thought I heard something. Oh oh... ONLY my amplifier was turned off. (Note: Instrument: Brass sect 1, volume - max.)




List Of Other Small Stunts/Experiences In M&D

Fastest Fingers First
As a keyboardist, one usually comes into contact with different instruments within the same piece. It usually varies from strings, brass, violin to organ sounds. The funny thing is that sometimes, it is possible that your mind suddenly goes blank, and when the next instrument is required, I go "Oh no, what's the number combination for brass???!!! Wait wait wait wait...". And as usual, time and tide waits for no man. No. More accurately, a drummer waits for no number-fumbling keyboardist. Yea, that's the description man. Solution (ok, this is not a solution but an undesired consequence): Play a brass part with strings, or an organ part with brass, or none at all.



Cold Fingers
Usually, the atmosphere in the sanctuary is very cold to me. Sometimes, the atmosphere in the sanctuary is deep-freeze cold. Under cold or colder conditions, the fingers may or will harden and lose its dexterity. Then again, stuff could still be played, however stiff the fingers may be (with diminishing quality). Solution? Rub them while resting, or else, take off one playing hand and rub it vigorously without catching too much attention. I mean, what else can i do? I remove both hands when I need them ON they keyboard!!! Oh, I missed out that hand-clapping would be a sure kill to whatever heat you may have desperately tried to generate.



Record Breaker
Well, each week CD-RWs and envelopes used to contain the scores passed to musicians would be recycled. They are returned back to the musician's basket in the metal cabinet so that they can be used again. Of course, each time a person would return his/her envelope and CD used the previous week. Well, just somewhere in the 3rd week of June 2006 I returned a record holding of (prehaps of all-time in Lighthouse Evangelism's 16 years of establishment) of 9 envelopes with 3 missing somewhere at home. Oh well, you can't really blame me cause for the first time in my life, I saw the word "envelope" in the sms reminder about recycling. Or at least I would like to think so, about my first time noticing that word (fingers crossed).



Stubborn Pedal
Do you have any idea what it is like to have a pedal refusing to budge when moved with your feet, only to exceed its ideal position when you decide to set your adjusting strength to "brutal level". At that kind of rate, it just never gets to the position that you want it to be. Last resort: Bend down and move it with your hand just before the drummer starts his 4-beat intro to the next song.



Moving Pedal
Amazingly, although the pedal refuses to budge when you want it to, somehow it also refuses to stay in the spot when you want it to. And the more you pedal, the further it gets away from you no matter how you position your foot. And in extreme cases you may find yourself almost starting to slouch or slip from your seat, not that the keyboardist seat is any immobile than the pedal to begin with. Solution: Try to kick it back (this is the time when the above experience suddenly comes in again). Just what's with the pedal, I wonder?



Confession...
Take a look at the following score:

=)

Well, since strings sound somewhat soft, and somewhat muffled such that demisemiquavers are not to distinct, and considering it does take up time and there are 5 other pieces to go, and considering this is but 2 bars in a 100 bar piece, and considering blah blah blah... sometimes I play just a note. (OK, most of the time, happy?) Hey, I'm not the only keyboardist around guilty right? Someone tell me I'm not the only one... pleeeese....



Lame Invention List + Misc

Inventions
- Metal-coated tea bag to help with the sinking (Edmund Lum)

- Sound-powered telephone (Edmund Lum)

- Sound-powered telephone (Edmund Lum)

- Plug-in phones for plugging into a payphone to call - unable to recieve call. However, 10 cents will still be needed and you pay your monthly phone bills as usual (Edmund Lum)

- A clean dirt-free rubbish chute (Edmund Lum)

- A touchpad keyboard similar to the touchpad on a laptop, with letters on it (Edmund Lum)

- USB-portable touchpad (Edmund Lum)

- A square CD for better storage (Edmund Lum)

- Battery-powered book (Edmund Lum)

- Disposable dustbins (Edmund Lum)

- A "short circuit" switch that help save electricity when there is nobody at home (Edmund Lum)

- A white/black highlighter (Edmund Lum)

- Safety deposit box made of pure diamond for hardness. It is transparent to allow better visual of objects within it (Edmund Lum)

- An optic mouse combined with a decorated ball placed inside like an old-school mouse to allow any surface usage (Edmund Lum)

- DIY handphone to cut cost (Edmund Lum)

- A plastic knife - no rusting and it is lighter (Edmund Lum)

- Quick dry glue, only 0.2 sec of dry time (Edmund Lum)

- Doorless toliet for faster access (Edmund Lum)

- A pen with wider pen hole to prevent that all-time infamous ink jam (Edmund Lum)

- A 5-mm thick paper to prevent paper cut (Edmund Lum)

- Water-proof toilet paper to prevent wetting the entire roll when dropped on a wet floor, or easy breakage (Edmund Lum)

- A thermal panel powered heater (Edmund Lum)

- A faq list for patients who do not want to reply to any visitors (Edmund Lum & Glass Cookie)

- A deodorant that puts people off (Mustard seed)

- An umbrella with a wire connection (to attract lightning) that's earthed (Edmund Lum)

- An earthquake detector that sounds when there's an earthquake (Edmund Lum)

- A water sensor at the shoreline to detect an approaching tsunami (Edmund Lum)

- A energy-saving fridge that switches itself on via a smell senser specially for detecting certain rotting smells (Edmund Lum)

- A fire extinguishing bomb that creates a huge area of vacuum (sounds familiar?) so as to deprive the fire of oxygen (Edmund Lum)

- A solar powered torchlight

- A power-saving exit sign that lights up only when someone is around (Gabriel Goh)

- A self-locking door that locks itself when no one's around and unlocks itself when someone's near (Edmund Lum)

- Pencil lead harder than steel to improve on its fragility (Edmund Lum)

- A water-proof teabag to prevent breakage over long periods of soaking (Edmund Lum)

- A manual powered air conditioner (Glass Cookie)

- A water-sensitive sprinkler (Edmund Lum)

- A auto retractable roof via light and water sensors, hidden in the wall for protection (Edmund Lum)

- An anti-burglary system with the switch and sensor in the same room (Edmund Lum)

- A wooden barbecue pit (Glass Cookie and Edmund Chen)

- An acrylic oil rig and drill bit to save $$$ (Glass Cookie and Edmund Chen)

- A windows based DOS command prompt program (Glass Cookie)

- A wired handphone (Jackson Lum)


Misc
- A birthday breakfast celebration (Glass Cookie and Jackson Lum)

- A domesticated grizzily bear (Glass Cookie, inspired by Amanda Low)