Froggies

Well, as the saying/stereotype goes... Bats are blind, swans are graceful, dogs are faithful, and pigs are stupid and intelligent (note: the 'and' does not refer to pigs being stupid and intelligent at the same time. Rather, it should be interpreted as pig descriptions usually fall into 2 camps: 'stupid', and 'intelligent'). In my opinion (nope, it is not scientifically proven although I'm not too sure about the above other than bats), frogs are possibly dumb.

Just in case you're thinking that I have something against frogs - nope, I do not have anything against them. But after a number of jogs with the same consistent happenings, I came to such a conclusion. During my jogs, most of the time (and considering that quirky tendency to look at the ground which was good in this case) I would see the outline of a lump of something and dodge it in time, only to notice that it was a frog upon a closer look. At night, the colour of these frogs actually match the pavement much better than the surrounding grass. But then again, what kind of intelligent frog would camouflage itself on a pavement? Oh well, although both frogs and terrapins are reptiles, I suppose terrapins are the smarter/less dumb (depending on how you look at it. And yes, they can be dumb too) of the two as they attempt to do something at the slightest sign of danger. These frogs stood still, as still as can be. Perhaps this was to avoid being noticed? =)

Thought: I'm glad that at least, I didn't squish any of them... yet (one cannot be too certain of the future with the frequency of such camouflaging incidents).

Disillusioned

I'm disillusioned.

I'm very disillusioned.

I'm totally disillusioned.

I'm terribly, horribly, extremely disillusioned and I'm as disillusioned as it could get. =/ And, I have no longer any idea what to think of things in time to come, at least not for now.

Muggers...???

Hmmm... I noticed it has been some time since I last blogged. Well, although this is supposedly a mugging week... considering that I've just completed compiling formulas for another common test popping up in less than 12 hours, I need to destress. And why am I stressed? It's simple. Please refer to this link. And since it's 1:40 a.m. in the morning, yup, crappiness is increasing at a rate denoted by dC/dt where C is the... ARRRGH! No, no... I must stop thinking of such stuff. Relax, chill, whatever-so-long-it's-not-my-CA-contents. Anyway...

As I was/am (Now, this time frame thingy is a little confusing. I thought of something, then I proceeded to type it out. Technically speaking, I thought [ie. past tense]. But as the thoughts generate more over the typing process, my thinking becomes the present tense. Hmmm...), destressing and thinking about things, I thought of the word "mugger" because, well, I was studying/mugging/whatever-people-would-call-it.

Although it seemed to me that being a mugger is taboo, everyone does it. Therefore, although it seemed wrong, it was a neccessary thing to do. So, is this a neccessary evil? At least, it's legal. Now, you must be wondering why on earth (or in a place like Singapore) would the concept of legal mugging be considered? Well, if we were to go back in time of let's say, a number of decades, being a mugger could land you in prison if you were caught in the act. Why? That's simple. Waylaying someone in the middle of some alley and beating the crap out of that person is a serious offence. And if the act of studying was actually named as mugging as much as robbery was, are they seen in the same light? Hmmm... Oh well, just in case I've confused any readers with my crappiness which is still increasing, I think I had better end now. Off to sleep...

Thought: Either this is a confusing world, or my temporal-but-intense 'mugging' has confused me.

Psalms 91 =)

On a lighter note/blog entry/mood/whatever-that's-applicable:

Well, Psalms 91 is one of my favourite Psalms in the Bible. But today, I felt that, if I had the power to do so, and given editing permission from God, I would happily append something to Psalms 91:11-12 such that it would be read as:

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
     to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
     so that you will not strike your foot against a stone
     nor strike your face against a pillar  <- appended

All I can say is, thank God! =) He saved me from a silly bleeding nose and whatever worse scenario that may be.

Now, if you're wondering why I'm crappy - it's 1:55 a.m. in the morning. Yup, but the previous entry still hold =)

I'm From... ...

This is yet another non-crappy post. Skip this to the next for laughs.

I've got a feeling that I've been ranting lots and lots on my blog than I should have been crapping, but, but... I have to rant about this. I need to get it off my chest. This is something I've never mentioned before but felt very strongly.

People: "So what are you doing (in university) now?"
My thoughts: "Hmmm... should I say it? Should I? Should I? Should I? Think there's no harm."
Me: "I'm doing a*rospace engineering."
People: "Wow/Wa, so you must be [bah blah blah]..."
My thoughts: "Sigh, I forgot. Not again..."

Yup, I am in a*rospace engineering (I think I just mentioned it. Hmmm, anyway, read on...). It was being thought of as a prestigious course, rocket science and whatever cream-of-the-crop crap descriptions that you can think about. Well, initially I thought so too, until I entered university (and I feel more like I'm being tied onto some rocket heading towards nowhere). Right now, I'm totally sick of this a*rospace name being tagged with all kinds of crap expectations and false impressions, and for these things being tagged onto me:

[Note: Although 'we' is used below, I am not truly part of it though in it, in the sense that I am quite different from my cohort - being somewhere at the bottom]

A*rospace and non-a*rospace professors alike assume that we're at super-human standards in our studies.
It's not uncommon to hear stuff like "You're a*rospace students. So it's only right that your tests are set a higher standard than the cohort of engineering students. It's only fair." (Did they say it was fair? Don't we take the same final term paper and go through the same lectures?) But the thing is, I'm as normal as any engineering student could be. In fact, I'm bottom of my cohort. This is definitely not helping me. This caused me to think that, if not for a*rospace engineering, I could have gotten higher grades.

Somehow, it is believed that we will survive each and every circumstance that we're in, given our so-called super-human standards.
When certain lecturers couldn't explain their stuff, you could almost see the but-you-all-are-a*rospace-students-and-are-thus-safe-not-knowing (because we would probably find out on our own?) kind of expression/attitude. And they simply smoke us up. The fact is, I'm still as lost as can be. Erm, judge not an a*rospace student by his degree description?

Given the impression of super-human standards, we're blamed for bagging all the 'A's in the bell curve.
It is also not uncommon to hear from my friends saying, "Wa, you all a*rospace students score all the 'A's, leaving all the 'B's and 'C's to us". The fact that in my entire year one, I only managed to get 3 'A's of varying grades (ie. '+', '-') out of some 15 subjects after much difficulty indicated that I'm definitely not one of those "you all a*rospace students". In fact, this is how I feel towards my cohort for pushing up the standards. But, I get included with the general impression of the cohort anyway.

Well, I definitely did not get my undeserved (yup, I know it's undeserved. Read on and you'll understand) 'O' and 'A' level grades without a certain level of hard work, and more (if not, most) importantly, it was the Lord's mercy and grace upon me that I got those grades. And somehow, it seemed that I'm penalised for having such grades.

We are being segregated by lecturers.
Being described as the 'elite' and the cream-of-the-crop description is definitely not a nice thing to do in lectures with a*rospace and non-a*rospace students. And as always, soon after I would hear my non-a*rospace friends mention "ah, you see... you all cream of the crop". But, but, but, I'm at the bottom of the crop supporting whatever cream there may be... Somehow, with all these things going alone in lectures, I can't help but feel that my degree is some form of a barrier between my friends and I. In fact, it's not just a feeling. It's clear knowledge of this matter. At least I'm glad this isn't a barrier between my friends in church and I... I hope.

Among the cohort there is fierce competition.
It doesn't help that the head professor in his opening speech mentioned "A*rospace students are going to get all the 'A's" as part of his motivation and expectation (so much for a motivation huh?). Well, although such expectations are nothing new in such degrees, I'm sick, very sick, so totally sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick of it!!! ARRRGH!!! When my friends in engineering are worrying about "ta-pauing" (ie. retaking) any modules, here am I worrying if my ability of merely getting a B would cause me to drop further to the bottom of my cohort. And for such worries, I may be condemned by my non-a*rospace friends as being smug (which is not unexpected). ARRRGH!!!

Everyone brags about how badly they did.
Now, you must be wondering... something seemed wrong with this statement. Yup, this seemed wrong, but the fact that those who complained about crapped up papers ended up with all the 'A's (and here I am truly stating that my paper was really crapped up and miraculously getting around a B or so. I wanted to use the word 'merely' instead of 'around' to describe the grade, but given that it is a miracle, I shall not discount the miracle with that word) seemed to imply that there's glory in complaining about a badly done paper. It's a confusing world. And when I tell my engineering friends that the paper was horrible, I get doubted at, and my results get predicted at an 'A-' and above =/

In short, with all these nonsense, I can't help but feel ashamed telling people that I'm an a*rospace student given all the impressions and expectations being tagged along with it. Yup, you may be thinking that it's wrong to think this way, but this feeling is definitely inevitable.

Conclusion: Hmmm... From now onwards, maybe this is how I should answer:

People: "So what are you doing (in university) now?"
My thoughts: "Hmmm... should I say it? Should I? Should I? Should I? Yep. I should."
Me: "I'm doing mechanical engineering."
Expected reaction: "Oh, OK." [Full-stop]

A Truly Anti-Piano Pair Of Specs

Hmmm... right now it's late at night and I'm supposed to be studying for a common test coming up in 2 days. But since the exasperated side of me has taken over yet agian (nope, I'm not schizophrenic) here I am blogging.

Today was another good day for me again since I was serving =) And the good and bad thing (although it's rare to find something that is exactly good and bad about the same issue, yup, I have one here) about my pair of specs is that it is truly an anti-piano pair of specs. So firm and true was it to it's anti-piano agenda/stand against the piano that, well, it was only the piano that's portrayed as curved and off-the-planet (and probably off-the-universe). The keyboard looks OK during the practice and the actual P&W session. Yay, I'm saved! There is no longer any risk of getting booted out of ministry for puking all over the instrument on a frequent basis from the giddiness, trying to read my score on my lap when there is a stand, and more importantly - my life is not at stake from any possible electrocution. But the thing is, I cannot wear my specs when I practice my piano at home. Arrrgh =\ At least I do not really need it to be able to play my piano at home. At least not for now, and preferbly it remains this way for good.

But hey, what if all that curve that I see on my piano is because of the height and angle that it's at? Although I've been suspecting it since the day I got a somewhat less-anti-piano pair of specs than this one, the thing is I've got no chance to prove this because both keyboards that I play (in church and hall) are abnormally higher than they should be, thus they do not look curved. Hmmm... I'll find out next saturday during rehearsal when I fiddle with the E-piano when the pianist's not around. This is getting interestingly irritating and freaky (hmmm, this sounds as if I'm interested in irritating and freaking myself out. This statement is not to be interpreted this way. Rather, it should be: Hey, this is irritating and freaky, but I'm interested as to what on earth is causing it. I'm no masochist.)

Thought: As I've previously considered, my degree must never go up again... [gasp] My maths test! The other side of me has taken over and off I go...

Arrrgh, IdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming...

Yesterday was some hall investiture for some new people taking up various roles in... well, hall (guess that was obvious. Where else could it be?). And from the title (which the frequent readers of my blog would have read a million times), yup, it was another performance.

I shall not go into the details because they're roughly the same as those freaky experiences that I've elaborated. This time round, I forgot a whole set of chords during the instrumental part of the song. Luckily, the singer was good enough to continue singing, or else, I would gladly find a hole somewhere in the function room to hide my head (and my body as well. I'm not spastic enough to want to look like an emu. Considering that, I would really need a big hole to hide into. Arrrgh, whatever. You get the point.) if the song were to 'hang'/'jam'/stop/end abruptly in the middle of it all. This is terrible! Then again, ever since I started playing for hall, there was never a single piece/song that which I did not mess up, so this should be nothing new. Arrrgh =/

IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming
IdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperformingIdislikeperforming...

I guess this time, the phobia greater than Phaseolusaureusphobia has struck again. Arrrgh, what shall I do? Hmmm... I must not mess up the next time although I know I will mess it up again even if I try not to mess it up although trying not to mess up may be the very thing that messes things up and that things may not be that messy to be that easily messed with if not for the effort not to mess it up, and messing things up is the last thing I would want to do in such a setting where messing up is a no-no and the thought of messing things up is absolutely F-R-E-A-K-Y.

Thought: ARRRRRRRRRGH!!! =/ [volume: max]

A Dangerously Happy Cookie =)

Well, the past 2 weeks have been great =) In fact, I've never played the piano (l-e-i-s-u-r-e-l-y, not for examinations of any sort) so much in such a long time. Also, I noticed that my blogging frequency has increased, and here I am blogging again! =)

Well, staying in hall certainly has its benefits, but without a piano it can be quite a sad life. That's because I love the piano =) And if not for M&D, I would have no idea as to what my purpose in life is supposed to be. Oh, I just remembered I'll be serving this week! =) Ooo... I love playing for church, I love playing... (better not get into yet another happy frenzy again) Over the past 2 weeks, I realised that my piano skills have deteoriated although the number of keys that I could play in has increased. So, staying in hall has certainly made me a jack-of-all-keys (or rather, 'jack-of-more-keys'?) but master of none. This is bad. Really, really baaaaaaad [this word is to be pronounced over a length of >3 seconds]. And as such, I've decided to practise the piano more often.

But hey, something's wrong here. Wasn't I supposed to be lost, and lost beyond measure/words/imagination/hope? In fact, I'm still as lost as can be and new mysteries are being added to all my modules with each passing day (or rather, 'lecture'). So, what on earth am I doing at the computer blogging? Hmmm... In actual fact (of course, this is not to indicate that the above "In fact" has no actuality), I don't care. Yup, you read right (and you certainly heard nothing from my blog). Well, the exasperated side of me would be persuading me to give up for good (and yes, this side has currently taken over at this point in time), but the rational side of me tells me that by doing so, all the years that I've spent studying would have gone down the drain/sewage piping/river/canal/storm drain/whatever-you-call-it. Hmmm, what a dilemma.

It has definitely been a humbling experience to drop to the bottom range of my cohort when I used to be the top few in class since secondary school (never in my chinese classes though). It's freaky too. But then again, I guess I shouldn't worry too much about things, since I'm pretty sure there would be some a*rospace job out there waiting for me since the market's pretty much lacking of people from my course. Even if it weren't the case, I could do something suicidal like take up a piano diploma and end up as a classical piano teacher. But considering this, it would be impossible. I would have been looooong dead before this objective is accomplished since that was suicidal. And since I do not have such tendencies, that's out of the picture.

Hmmm... I got a feeling that my thoughts do not really link. I guess that's the result of the dangerously happy and exasperated effects that I'm going through now (and just in case some of you are suspecting something: No, I'm NOT on drugs). Better end here before more readers get lost in my train of thoughts.

Thought: I've got a feeling I'm not thinking straight right now.

A Phobia Lesser Than Phaseolusaureusphobia

It was another cab ride with Shannon and Amanda back home after cell, with the addition of Joel for the first time. Well, everything generally went on as it should (yup, this is a hint that something actually went on as it shouldn't). As the cab drove on, we chatted about stuff related to the topic discussed/taught in cell today. There were conversations ranging between 2-4 people over time (hmmm, this sounded duh. I think it would be really scary should a conversation be carried by one person) and there came a point of time when Shannon wanted to tell me something. But because he didn't want the taxi driver, who is from a different race, to know about the contents of his thoughts since the driver didn't know us, he tried another alternative option of conveying his thoughts to me. I would gladly type out the script for the conversation, if not for... for... his usage of CHINESE! Arrrgh =/

When he used chinese, I was telling myself "OK, relax. It's not like you don't know chinese. You do know chinese [with a faltering faith]. Now, try to hear every single word and make sense out of it. Remember, relax, and FOCUS!!!" (and really focus I did). Soon after he finished his statements, to my horror I realised that I couldn't get most of it and hence, I am clueless as to how to decipher it. Oh no, what would they think of me now/again? I told myself that it could just be Shannon's pronunciation and it's not my inadequacy. But sadly, Amanda and Joel seemed to understand his statement and was laughing at my apparently blank look. The very next statement (in english, that is) that came was something like "hey, you're speaking (chinese) to someone like [glass cookie's name] leh". That's sad. I'm glad they didn't continue conversing in chinese. Hey, at least Shannon saw me as one chinese enough to attempt a chinese conversation, though futile it may have been.

Consolation: Still, this is nothing compared to the exam room =)

My Terrapins

Here are pics of my terrapins in ascending order of rarity:

The Trio

If you've heard about my terrapins, yup, these are the ones. Somehow, it has been suspected that the one in the middle is the only male (ie. the one with the outstanding shell pattern), but nothing seemed to reveal anything about their gender.

Terrapin Stacking

Thought: From here, you could see that terrapins can't really differentiate between a fellow terrapin and a pebble although both are similar in dimensions. Hmmm... or maybe it didn't matter after all since the same objective of drying up could be achieved either way. I guess terrapins do not mind being a pebble too.

"Put your hands on the wall and do not move! You have the right to remain silent..."

Criminal Records
----------------

Known call-signs
----------------
'the fat one'
'fat terrapin'
'crazy terrapin'
'the biggest one'
'the greediest one'
'da4 de'

Medical Records
---------------
Known to be unstable with violent tendencies in the presence of food. Has been known for mistaking anything for food, be it metal or another terrapin. Feeding by hand must be done with caution. Given its glutton nature, it has been known to search for food 24/7.

Criminal Records
----------------
2005 sem1 - charged for causing grievous hurt to a fellow terrapin by biting off the toe of the smallest terrapin.
Sentence: 1 week confinement

2005 sem1 - charged for causing grievous hurt to yet another fellow terrapin by biting off the toe of the medium sized terrapin (indication of a personal liking for the last toes of right terrapin feet is probable).
Sentence: 2 weeks confinement

2005 sem2 - charged for attempted assault of a fellow terrapin by mistaking the middle sized terrapin's head for food after smelling it a few times with doubt.
Sentence: Acquitted, due to the lack of evidence and also because the target was unharmed. But observation would be done to catch it in the act the next time.

2005 sem2 - charged for causing grievous hurt to a fellow terrapin by biting off a toe of the smallest terrapin on the same leg. As this is a repeated offence, appeals for leniency have been rejected.
Sentence: 4 weeks confinement

The 'Nua' Terrapin

Thought: Observe how this terrapin 'nua' by stretching out its hind legs. Ahh, life is good I guess? Now, now, who ever told you that a terrapin never found its own shell a heavy and burdensome item?

Though...

Though the fig tree does not bud
amd there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls

...
...
...
and

Though the future seemed dim
and there is no comfort to pain,
though all studies seem meaningless
and my piano produces no melody,
though there are no scores in the folder
and no purpose in all the years of music,

...
...
...

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
He enables me to go on the heights.

Yet Another Day

This is not a crappy post. Skip this one and read the ones below for laughs.

Hmmm... it's funny how at my age, I could still be called up by my dad just to be scolded. That was all the call was for, nothing else. I must admit I was pretty affected throughout the party till now. Then again, since when was I never affected? Maybe I think too much, and I should just stop thinking. At least everything seemed fine when i reached home this time round. I just hope that I would stop messing up things, or things would stop messing up for me.

Note: I'm not the hypersensitive sort of person. Please don't confuse between the two.

My Scary New Specs

Hmmm, maybe I should not have listened to my subconscious' prompting to get a new pair of specs. Although these are the benefit(s) (and you'll soon realise why the letter 's' is bracketed):

- Things are slightly clearer (well, things were slightly blur initially so this isn't too big an improvement)

- This is a new pair of specs (I'm not sure if this is a benefit. But since I want to tell myself that there must be more benefits other than the above, yup, here's one more point. And no, I'm not self-rationalizing. Hmmm, am I rationalizing about not rationalizing?)

- And... I can't think of a third benefit, sadly (Hmmm, maybe this point should be moved below).

This is the other side of it (and once again, yup, this is a list):

- This pair of specs seemed more fragile. Although nothing was mentioned earlier on with regards to a sturdy pair of specs, that was because it could naturally withstand stuff like walking into something/someone. It was not a point of consideration up till now.

- My new specs seemed to have a higher tendency of sliding down my nose, and I have to prop it up more often, as if I do not feel nerdy enough like how they love to portray bookworms doing rocket science (yup, I do feel nerdy having to prop up my specs).

- Things are BIG! Everything seemed to be magnified, as though I walked with a pair of magnifying glasses literally, even if the magnification was something like 1.1. You'll soon notice that this is a general point with lots of complications:

- With the floor magnified, it seemed/felt as though I was walking on the moon. I don't moon walk though, but it'll look absolutely spastic if I walked with huge exaggerated steps (It's funny how Michael Jackson called his dance "the moon walk" when it resembled more of "moon sliding" whereas my initial unstable walking motion resembled more of "moon walking").

- With the magnification, everyone looked big, and intimidating too. If you see me pulling back while chatting, you know why.

- I feel small because everything seemed big. At least this one didn't have any negative impact like inferiority complex and all. But hey, if people who feel small in whatever sense describe themselves as a small fish in a big pond, this pair of specs certainly made me feel like a plankton in an ocean!

- And the worst case scenario (ie. my worst nightmare has been realised): THIS PAIR OF SPECS IS MORE ANTI-PIANO THAN ANYTHING!!! In fact, everything I see is magnified in proportion EXCEPT the piano! Somehow, the curve on the piano is much more pronounced than the previous pair, and it seemed as if the piano had curved outwards from its centre. And, on top of that, the keys are slightly bigger in the middle, and much smaller at the ends. Oh no! My ministry is at stake (and possibly my life is also at stake, if a previous crappy conversation with someone about puking and electrocution was true).

I don't think I can see the scores from the stand while playing without my anti-piano specs (But then again, it's not like a strongly anti-piano pair of specs would help much without the keyboard view). It's either I choose the keyboard or my score. OK, although my short term memory is not to be trusted, I must learn to memorise tau geis and chords. Arrrgh, forget it. I'll just play by ear and smoke my way through come the time I need to remove my specs and play before I start to feel weird/puky/nausea/dizzy/whatever-you-can-think-of, but Wei will find out. Aha! Probably I'll place the score on my lap and play during service, but I believe Wei would be frowning when I portray a slack image, and something that is one of a kind. Oh no, that would be a new stunt in my list. Arrrgh, what am I to do? HELP!!!

Thought: My degree must never go up again. Goodness knows what those future specs have in store for me. =/